A quick, but huge testimony

I know, real original title, eh? I just realized that I had something SUPER substantial happen to me this past week but I have not shared it. For those of you that aren't familiar with the power of a testimony let me just do a quick run-down for ya. For those of you who are: feel free to skip ahead! :) When we release testimonies (what the Lord has done for us) it is 1)to give glory to God, and cause others to praise Him or see Him differently 2) it actually releases the same kind of breakthrough to those who are waiting for it 3)it's just great to celebrate how AMAZING our God is! It's in no way, shape, or form to bring attention to me, and I hope you know my heart in that.

-As all of my fellow BSSM students know, a lot of our payments were due this past week. I had opted out of doing a payment plan because I really did believe that God was going to provide my last bit of tuition. I had a substantial amount left but just felt like that was what I was supposed to do.

-Rewind 2 months. I've had seasons of time where God was totally providing for me. I was at Worship School, didn't have a job and yet always had enough for bills, housing, etc. About 2 months ago I was really struggling because during this season I'm working 2 jobs and it still feels like I'm not seeing any financial breakthrough. One night I had a huge emotional breakdown because I had totally made this financial 'thing' all my responsibility. I didn't understand how I could be working so hard and yet not see God partnering with any of my work. I love to give, and yet I felt like I had to constantly quiet that part of my heart because of the fear that would rise up concerning finances. I was frustrated, broken and didn't feel much hope, to be honest...all the while there was literally nothing I could do but trust God. I was already working as much as I could really mentally handle along with school. After some prayer from some amazing roommates and parents I decided that I obviously needed to change something in my mind. I've always been taught to live like you would if you had more than enough, but I had never actually done it.

I started a huge process of learning to enjoy Him in my work, and also how to trust. I started giving away large portions of my income in spite of every form of logic in my mind. I knew what I was hearing from Him to do, and I was trying desperately to not only be obedient, but to be obedient with joy. Now there's a challenge, that is, until you actually do it and you fall in love with His purposes for things, especially concerning finances.

-So, here I was living my life still not seeing any breakthrough but just having a different perspective on the matter. I don't even know how to type all of this because it still doesn't even feel real, except it is. It is just such a beautiful picture of what God does for us. I was approached by someone who not only wanted to give me money, but wanted to give me 5 TIMES the amount of my tuition that was left! Can someone say Praise the Lord? Goodness. Not only that, they gave me the money to use however I want to. They were very careful to remind me, 'Lara, you see. You hear. And I, and God, trust you to use this however you want and need to. He believes in you and knows you have the kingdom's purposes in mind.'

I keep trying to process all this means. And while, yes, this money does change my life, in a lot of ways it doesn't at all. The core values of giving, and trusting God, and obeying Him with joy all remain exactly the same. I know that God has to take us through certain seasons to teach us certain lessons, and I am SO grateful that I walked through the season I did this past year and a half when I had a 'lack.' What a beautiful picture of the fact that there is no lack in heaven. None whatsoever.

So, I release my testimony of provision over you. But more than that, I release the peace that I have felt the last 2 months over you. So that you can stand in a hard place and know exactly who your Father is. A good Father, with good things for you. May you be graced with the ability to stand in times of uncertainty and live in joy and generosity. I am so thankful that hope is so much stronger than fear.

I can't wait to hear about your breakthroughs!
Lara

This Place...

How in the world do I always end up in this place?
You know, this place where so much has happened and I could not possibly begin to explain all of it and do it justice at all. It doesn't help that I'm in a place where sometimes I literally feel like I'm living 3 lives all at the same time. Like I'm careening down rapids with no life raft, flat on my back staring into the sky and praying that I will just happen to float around all of the obstacles that I can't even see. The oddest thing about this season is that in any other circumstance, it would feel overwhelming. But I love it. Like, genuinely, deeply, I love it. I really never thought I could be working 2 jobs and going to school and be happy. I never really knew or understood that I had the capacity to. Sure, I knew bits of my strength, but never, ever the fullness of it. Not at this level anyways. If there's one thing I'm learning in this season, besides my capacity in Him. It's that it's all about His sweet, sweet presence. That's the only way I can at all explain why I haven't gone crazy, and in fact the opposite is happening. I love my life. Sure, I mess up. I slept through 4 alarms yesterday because I was so exhausted. But life is full, and life is really good. When our lives are constantly centered around seeking His presence, I am becoming more and more sure that we really can do anything.
At the beginning of this year I was moving across the country. I had a perceived idea of what Redding would include, but really I had no idea. I knew I had heard the Lord say to come, but didn't know a lot more. In May I was blessed with the opportunity to go to Ireland and pray through the country with some amazing people. In August I heard the Lord say to go to school. I promptly said no, but because I have committed my life to Him, He won that argument. So here I am, at a school I'd never thought I'd be at, living in California, working 2 jobs, all within 11 months. I found out 2 weeks ago, that in March I am heading to Lebanon. This is a HUGE dream come true for me. I have always had a heart for the middle east, specifically muslim women. But i had already kind of decided that I wouldn't probably make it to the middle east until my 30s. I knew it was in my heart, and a dream but seriously, if you would have told me all of this before I moved here, I might have laughed at you.

But that's just the thing, God really is good. He really is in a good mood. He really does want to see us accomplish our dreams WAY more than we do. And He really does believe in us. He is working out SO much more for us than we sometimes even allow Him to. If there's one thing I've set in my heart this past week it's been that I MUST stop underestimating what He can do in me, through me, and in the world. His intentions for us are pure. Does this mean that life is easy? Absolutely not. But the dreams of our heart, are out of His heart.

We are embarking on a week that is known for Thankfulness. And while I cannot possibly begin to tell you all that is going on around me and deep inside of me, one thing is for sure: I am so thankful for my life. All the crazy, chaotic, hopeful, daring aspect of it and I live for this one thing: to see God glorified through EVERY aspect of my life.

Love you all.