Thursday, September 19, 2013

Embracing Process

"Except when you don't. Because, sometimes, you won't."

I hate when I don't make adequate time to write. Especially blog. So much has happened in the past few weeks that I found myself thinking, "I want to blog about that! Oh, no I want to blog about that!" multiple times. This causes me to sit at my computer and generally just think about mush when I actually do make time to write. So today I made time to write...and this is the only thing I can think about. Actually, it started this morning. It was 5am at Target and I just got done running a repack all the way to the other end of the store. I was walking back to my department to continue pushing my freight and this phrase started running through my head over and over again.

This line comes from one of my favorite children's books. It was the book I got the first day I started kindergarten. It was the book I reread at high school graduation and cried because although I obviously had no idea at the time exactly the places God would take me, the Spirit within leapt at the thought that there could be more, and that I could actually have it. The premise of the book is that there are amazing places that each person is going to go. Amazing things that will happen, all in due time. That we will move mountains and see things in our lifetime that we can't even imagine.

This phrase is sprinkled in. "Except when you don't. Because, sometimes, you won't." Just looking at this phrase I kind of wondered, "Lord, why this phrase?" Just looking at it makes you feel a bit defeated. It makes you wonder why you failed. This morning it was bouncing around in my head, not in a sad tune as you might imagine, but rather in a happy, bouncy tune. Now, call it lack of sleep, or just plain the strange way my brain works, but this phrase made hope and passion rise up inside of me.

If there's one thing I constantly struggle with, one thing that i wish we didn't have to do-it's process. I realized at the beginning of this Summer that this one little word had almsot become my least favorite word/meaning in the english language. I've spent almost my whole life trying to become this person that seemed so far off from my reality that the concept of loving process just seemed like such a contradiction to what was possible. Fact is, God loves process. He loves the journey. He loves us at every stage just like parents love their children at every stage. So why do we hate process so very much?

I was liberated this morning when this little phrase danced around my head because I think that when we fall, when we have moments when we 'don't' and when we have moments when we 'won't'; when we have moments in our process that we would deem faliures, it actually gives us moments that we can turn into momentum. It causes opportunities to create a deeper relationship with God. I don't know how to explain it, but the history that we get to create with The Lord in moments like this is so precious to His heart. The fact that even in 'failures' i get to choose relationship and I get to take on what God thinks of me releases joy and such blessing, it's unexplainable.

It's in those 'except when you don't. Because sometimes, you won't" moments that we get to see His strength in our weakness and praise Him for it. It's in those moments that you have deeper revelations of His grace, His strength, His power, His goodness, His mercy, His compassion, etc. And it leaves you wanting to be a better person, not because of how bad you are, but because of how drawn by His goodness you are. They are special opportunites, these moments when you've come to the end of you're own earthly power and realize that you are a part of something much greater, much bigger than yourself.

Embrace these moments. Embrace and love this process. It is so not about having everything in order. It's all about coming under HIS order. It's so not about you getting everything right, but being humbled under HIS rightness so that you can become His righteousness.

"Except when you don't, because sometimes you won't." What beautiful moments to create precious, intimate times with Him. What beautiful moments to see yourself/your situations as He sees them. Not moments to be frustrated at your process, but to celebrate the deeper, more intimate connection you're getting to have because of them. Just another weapon to destroy the works of the enemy. Causing what we used to deem 'failure' as greater opportunity for deeper relationship. Wow. Can't think of anything more disarming or liberating.

So go for it! Because, really in the arms of the one you can trust. What can you lose? "Oh, the Place You'll go!"