Saturday, November 17, 2012
A quick, but huge testimony
I know, real original title, eh? I just realized that I had something SUPER substantial happen to me this past week but I have not shared it. For those of you that aren't familiar with the power of a testimony let me just do a quick run-down for ya. For those of you who are: feel free to skip ahead! :) When we release testimonies (what the Lord has done for us) it is 1)to give glory to God, and cause others to praise Him or see Him differently 2) it actually releases the same kind of breakthrough to those who are waiting for it 3)it's just great to celebrate how AMAZING our God is! It's in no way, shape, or form to bring attention to me, and I hope you know my heart in that.
-As all of my fellow BSSM students know, a lot of our payments were due this past week. I had opted out of doing a payment plan because I really did believe that God was going to provide my last bit of tuition. I had a substantial amount left but just felt like that was what I was supposed to do.
-Rewind 2 months. I've had seasons of time where God was totally providing for me. I was at Worship School, didn't have a job and yet always had enough for bills, housing, etc. About 2 months ago I was really struggling because during this season I'm working 2 jobs and it still feels like I'm not seeing any financial breakthrough. One night I had a huge emotional breakdown because I had totally made this financial 'thing' all my responsibility. I didn't understand how I could be working so hard and yet not see God partnering with any of my work. I love to give, and yet I felt like I had to constantly quiet that part of my heart because of the fear that would rise up concerning finances. I was frustrated, broken and didn't feel much hope, to be honest...all the while there was literally nothing I could do but trust God. I was already working as much as I could really mentally handle along with school. After some prayer from some amazing roommates and parents I decided that I obviously needed to change something in my mind. I've always been taught to live like you would if you had more than enough, but I had never actually done it.
I started a huge process of learning to enjoy Him in my work, and also how to trust. I started giving away large portions of my income in spite of every form of logic in my mind. I knew what I was hearing from Him to do, and I was trying desperately to not only be obedient, but to be obedient with joy. Now there's a challenge, that is, until you actually do it and you fall in love with His purposes for things, especially concerning finances.
-So, here I was living my life still not seeing any breakthrough but just having a different perspective on the matter. I don't even know how to type all of this because it still doesn't even feel real, except it is. It is just such a beautiful picture of what God does for us. I was approached by someone who not only wanted to give me money, but wanted to give me 5 TIMES the amount of my tuition that was left! Can someone say Praise the Lord? Goodness. Not only that, they gave me the money to use however I want to. They were very careful to remind me, 'Lara, you see. You hear. And I, and God, trust you to use this however you want and need to. He believes in you and knows you have the kingdom's purposes in mind.'
I keep trying to process all this means. And while, yes, this money does change my life, in a lot of ways it doesn't at all. The core values of giving, and trusting God, and obeying Him with joy all remain exactly the same. I know that God has to take us through certain seasons to teach us certain lessons, and I am SO grateful that I walked through the season I did this past year and a half when I had a 'lack.' What a beautiful picture of the fact that there is no lack in heaven. None whatsoever.
So, I release my testimony of provision over you. But more than that, I release the peace that I have felt the last 2 months over you. So that you can stand in a hard place and know exactly who your Father is. A good Father, with good things for you. May you be graced with the ability to stand in times of uncertainty and live in joy and generosity. I am so thankful that hope is so much stronger than fear.
I can't wait to hear about your breakthroughs!
Lara
This Place...
How in the world do I always end up in this place?
You know, this place where so much has happened and I could not possibly begin to explain all of it and do it justice at all. It doesn't help that I'm in a place where sometimes I literally feel like I'm living 3 lives all at the same time. Like I'm careening down rapids with no life raft, flat on my back staring into the sky and praying that I will just happen to float around all of the obstacles that I can't even see. The oddest thing about this season is that in any other circumstance, it would feel overwhelming. But I love it. Like, genuinely, deeply, I love it. I really never thought I could be working 2 jobs and going to school and be happy. I never really knew or understood that I had the capacity to. Sure, I knew bits of my strength, but never, ever the fullness of it. Not at this level anyways. If there's one thing I'm learning in this season, besides my capacity in Him. It's that it's all about His sweet, sweet presence. That's the only way I can at all explain why I haven't gone crazy, and in fact the opposite is happening. I love my life. Sure, I mess up. I slept through 4 alarms yesterday because I was so exhausted. But life is full, and life is really good. When our lives are constantly centered around seeking His presence, I am becoming more and more sure that we really can do anything.
At the beginning of this year I was moving across the country. I had a perceived idea of what Redding would include, but really I had no idea. I knew I had heard the Lord say to come, but didn't know a lot more. In May I was blessed with the opportunity to go to Ireland and pray through the country with some amazing people. In August I heard the Lord say to go to school. I promptly said no, but because I have committed my life to Him, He won that argument. So here I am, at a school I'd never thought I'd be at, living in California, working 2 jobs, all within 11 months. I found out 2 weeks ago, that in March I am heading to Lebanon. This is a HUGE dream come true for me. I have always had a heart for the middle east, specifically muslim women. But i had already kind of decided that I wouldn't probably make it to the middle east until my 30s. I knew it was in my heart, and a dream but seriously, if you would have told me all of this before I moved here, I might have laughed at you.
But that's just the thing, God really is good. He really is in a good mood. He really does want to see us accomplish our dreams WAY more than we do. And He really does believe in us. He is working out SO much more for us than we sometimes even allow Him to. If there's one thing I've set in my heart this past week it's been that I MUST stop underestimating what He can do in me, through me, and in the world. His intentions for us are pure. Does this mean that life is easy? Absolutely not. But the dreams of our heart, are out of His heart.
We are embarking on a week that is known for Thankfulness. And while I cannot possibly begin to tell you all that is going on around me and deep inside of me, one thing is for sure: I am so thankful for my life. All the crazy, chaotic, hopeful, daring aspect of it and I live for this one thing: to see God glorified through EVERY aspect of my life.
Love you all.
You know, this place where so much has happened and I could not possibly begin to explain all of it and do it justice at all. It doesn't help that I'm in a place where sometimes I literally feel like I'm living 3 lives all at the same time. Like I'm careening down rapids with no life raft, flat on my back staring into the sky and praying that I will just happen to float around all of the obstacles that I can't even see. The oddest thing about this season is that in any other circumstance, it would feel overwhelming. But I love it. Like, genuinely, deeply, I love it. I really never thought I could be working 2 jobs and going to school and be happy. I never really knew or understood that I had the capacity to. Sure, I knew bits of my strength, but never, ever the fullness of it. Not at this level anyways. If there's one thing I'm learning in this season, besides my capacity in Him. It's that it's all about His sweet, sweet presence. That's the only way I can at all explain why I haven't gone crazy, and in fact the opposite is happening. I love my life. Sure, I mess up. I slept through 4 alarms yesterday because I was so exhausted. But life is full, and life is really good. When our lives are constantly centered around seeking His presence, I am becoming more and more sure that we really can do anything.
At the beginning of this year I was moving across the country. I had a perceived idea of what Redding would include, but really I had no idea. I knew I had heard the Lord say to come, but didn't know a lot more. In May I was blessed with the opportunity to go to Ireland and pray through the country with some amazing people. In August I heard the Lord say to go to school. I promptly said no, but because I have committed my life to Him, He won that argument. So here I am, at a school I'd never thought I'd be at, living in California, working 2 jobs, all within 11 months. I found out 2 weeks ago, that in March I am heading to Lebanon. This is a HUGE dream come true for me. I have always had a heart for the middle east, specifically muslim women. But i had already kind of decided that I wouldn't probably make it to the middle east until my 30s. I knew it was in my heart, and a dream but seriously, if you would have told me all of this before I moved here, I might have laughed at you.
But that's just the thing, God really is good. He really is in a good mood. He really does want to see us accomplish our dreams WAY more than we do. And He really does believe in us. He is working out SO much more for us than we sometimes even allow Him to. If there's one thing I've set in my heart this past week it's been that I MUST stop underestimating what He can do in me, through me, and in the world. His intentions for us are pure. Does this mean that life is easy? Absolutely not. But the dreams of our heart, are out of His heart.
We are embarking on a week that is known for Thankfulness. And while I cannot possibly begin to tell you all that is going on around me and deep inside of me, one thing is for sure: I am so thankful for my life. All the crazy, chaotic, hopeful, daring aspect of it and I live for this one thing: to see God glorified through EVERY aspect of my life.
Love you all.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Validation
I have no creative way to begin this post. It's 11:19pm and I've been up since 4:00am but I know I've heard the word 'write' so write I will.
This year is all about discovery with God. I thought it was about 'rediscovery' but I'm realizing with everything He shows me that what I'm discovering are things that I absolutely never knew, or never knew at the level He's taking me to now, so therefore it's just simply discovery. (excuse my random bunny-trails, fatigue betrays me)
This past week, I learned the meaning of a word in a way I had never thought of it before. That word, was validation. One of the definitions of Validations is to "Declare legal, or valid."
This is what I wrote during worship earlier this week:
"Validation:
You validate every part of me; reach in deep, hold me here, right to you.
No part of me is left untouched, or unmoved. I've been searched and under this veil of Christ's blood, found worthy of Your love.
So where else would I need to turn, other than towards you? If my completion is here with You, then where else would I even be tempted to go?
Is there anywhere safer?
Is there anywhere greater?
No where else could I feel the way I do, when I'm here.
I'm completely understood.
Completely whole.
Completely, simply, me.
Cause I'm complete when I find myself in You. I'm sure of hope, sure of a future, full of goodness, completely sure that there's nothing that can hold me back.
Why?
Because you validate me. For I was created, even before I was conceived. And here in you, every part of me is for a purpose, and from a purpose. Why would I want anything to hold me back from being fully who I am in You? What sin is too big to overcome? What fear too hard to face? What doubt can remain?"
I discovered this week, more than ever, that God is the one that validates me. Now that I know this, it really doesn't matter what people do and say to me. It really doesn't matter what my circumstances are. It really doesn't make a difference if I have abundance, or nothing. Because my life is validated by the very one that created the foundations of the earth. I have permission to just be me! Nothing more, but nothing less. And in the discovery of the validation we have in God, there is freedom that is unheard of. We will be so free...we might actually scare some people.
And the same is for you. He is the one that validates all of who you are.
Goodnight!
-L-
This year is all about discovery with God. I thought it was about 'rediscovery' but I'm realizing with everything He shows me that what I'm discovering are things that I absolutely never knew, or never knew at the level He's taking me to now, so therefore it's just simply discovery. (excuse my random bunny-trails, fatigue betrays me)
This past week, I learned the meaning of a word in a way I had never thought of it before. That word, was validation. One of the definitions of Validations is to "Declare legal, or valid."
This is what I wrote during worship earlier this week:
"Validation:
You validate every part of me; reach in deep, hold me here, right to you.
No part of me is left untouched, or unmoved. I've been searched and under this veil of Christ's blood, found worthy of Your love.
So where else would I need to turn, other than towards you? If my completion is here with You, then where else would I even be tempted to go?
Is there anywhere safer?
Is there anywhere greater?
No where else could I feel the way I do, when I'm here.
I'm completely understood.
Completely whole.
Completely, simply, me.
Cause I'm complete when I find myself in You. I'm sure of hope, sure of a future, full of goodness, completely sure that there's nothing that can hold me back.
Why?
Because you validate me. For I was created, even before I was conceived. And here in you, every part of me is for a purpose, and from a purpose. Why would I want anything to hold me back from being fully who I am in You? What sin is too big to overcome? What fear too hard to face? What doubt can remain?"
I discovered this week, more than ever, that God is the one that validates me. Now that I know this, it really doesn't matter what people do and say to me. It really doesn't matter what my circumstances are. It really doesn't make a difference if I have abundance, or nothing. Because my life is validated by the very one that created the foundations of the earth. I have permission to just be me! Nothing more, but nothing less. And in the discovery of the validation we have in God, there is freedom that is unheard of. We will be so free...we might actually scare some people.
And the same is for you. He is the one that validates all of who you are.
Goodnight!
-L-
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
2 Chords...
I have 128 other things I should be doing right now other than writing. But I just can't help myself tonight...I am so overwhelmed by His love.
I haven't been doing a very good job lately at fighting the feelings of being overwhelmed. I have many reasons to feel overwhelmed: working 2 jobs, going to school. Working 2 jobs while going to school. Learning after 3 months, once again, how to have roommates and little alone time (thanks, girls for the grace!) Being financially in a place where I am still in need of miracles to pay off my tuition. Being 29+ hours from the people I love the most and watching them continue to do life without me. Watching nieces and nephews growing up and knowing I am missing so much. Lots of reasons. Lots of excuses to be overrun by tiredness, fatigue, frustration, doubt and hopelessness. And yet tonight, I was overwhelmed by the simplicity He longs for when we come to Him. He loves when we're just simply there.
Tonight a song with 2 chords spoke to me in such a way, it will be very hard to explain it at all to you...but I must try. As musicians and writers we are always trying to make things as good and perfected as we can possibly get them. Like, if we wrote a song every day, we would only want to present the song to the general population that we wrote on our very best day. We like things to be coherent, to flow well, and just to be pretty. We want to come off as eloquently as possible. We want to leave people in awe. We all write differently. I usually start with several lyrics and maybe a small tune. I get it flowing nicely and then I will interject different chords or structures to make it sound richer or fuller. Now, obviously I have never come even relatively close to a great song, otherwise you would have heard of me (actually not sure of that with our current system for music writing). And so I realize that with some of you what I say has little weight, but this is how it works for the most part. We work, and we rework tweaking whatever we can.
I have a song that I wrote about a year ago that drives me nuts. No matter how hard I try. No matter what I ask God, the stinking song will not go past 2 chords. The lyrics will not expound. The fullness stays the same. And yet, the emotional response is always the same. The song rocks me every. single. time. I can't help it. It's ridiculous. Every time I look for more, and no more comes.
And tonight, the simplicity, and the lyrics completely apprehended me from the business/stress/worry/ridiculousness that was my past few days. Fact is, when we come before God we could play one chord over and over and He would be so pleased that we turned towards Him. This isn't a lesson on perfectionism (though it could be), just a lesson in making sure we never overcomplicate it with Him. 2 chords and an open heart. That's all I needed tonight for my whole perspective on life to change. Just simply being with Him is what He longs for, what He yearns for...what He came and died on the cross for. It amazes me.
Tonight, as a writer I was grateful for a simple song, full of simple, honest truth that led me straight to His heart. And the invitation awaits for you. What worries and stresses are keeping you from drawing yourself into Him? Because I guarantee it's not worth it. He is simple to come to. "Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest."
I haven't been doing a very good job lately at fighting the feelings of being overwhelmed. I have many reasons to feel overwhelmed: working 2 jobs, going to school. Working 2 jobs while going to school. Learning after 3 months, once again, how to have roommates and little alone time (thanks, girls for the grace!) Being financially in a place where I am still in need of miracles to pay off my tuition. Being 29+ hours from the people I love the most and watching them continue to do life without me. Watching nieces and nephews growing up and knowing I am missing so much. Lots of reasons. Lots of excuses to be overrun by tiredness, fatigue, frustration, doubt and hopelessness. And yet tonight, I was overwhelmed by the simplicity He longs for when we come to Him. He loves when we're just simply there.
Tonight a song with 2 chords spoke to me in such a way, it will be very hard to explain it at all to you...but I must try. As musicians and writers we are always trying to make things as good and perfected as we can possibly get them. Like, if we wrote a song every day, we would only want to present the song to the general population that we wrote on our very best day. We like things to be coherent, to flow well, and just to be pretty. We want to come off as eloquently as possible. We want to leave people in awe. We all write differently. I usually start with several lyrics and maybe a small tune. I get it flowing nicely and then I will interject different chords or structures to make it sound richer or fuller. Now, obviously I have never come even relatively close to a great song, otherwise you would have heard of me (actually not sure of that with our current system for music writing). And so I realize that with some of you what I say has little weight, but this is how it works for the most part. We work, and we rework tweaking whatever we can.
I have a song that I wrote about a year ago that drives me nuts. No matter how hard I try. No matter what I ask God, the stinking song will not go past 2 chords. The lyrics will not expound. The fullness stays the same. And yet, the emotional response is always the same. The song rocks me every. single. time. I can't help it. It's ridiculous. Every time I look for more, and no more comes.
And tonight, the simplicity, and the lyrics completely apprehended me from the business/stress/worry/ridiculousness that was my past few days. Fact is, when we come before God we could play one chord over and over and He would be so pleased that we turned towards Him. This isn't a lesson on perfectionism (though it could be), just a lesson in making sure we never overcomplicate it with Him. 2 chords and an open heart. That's all I needed tonight for my whole perspective on life to change. Just simply being with Him is what He longs for, what He yearns for...what He came and died on the cross for. It amazes me.
Tonight, as a writer I was grateful for a simple song, full of simple, honest truth that led me straight to His heart. And the invitation awaits for you. What worries and stresses are keeping you from drawing yourself into Him? Because I guarantee it's not worth it. He is simple to come to. "Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest."
"Don't let my words get in the way of what my heart longs to say. Don't let my mind complicate these thoughts that I want to say to you, Jesus. Oh, I love you more, I love you more, I love you more than words can say, Jesus."
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Week One of BSSM.
Where do I even begin?
I am just so constantly amazed that God knows how much we need things, when it's not even on our radar and when we think we don't need something. Perhaps that means nothing to anyone else, but after a week like the one I just encountered I am positive that this one thing is true: "God's faithfulness knows no bounds and He will stop at nothing to show us."
I have in the last week:
1)Seen just how much I've needed BSSM. I've always loved God with my whole heart, but something is already coming alive in me that I didn't know was there. My love for Him is burning, and I think for the first time, in a long time, I can feel His love for me burning as well. As we learned this week, we can only love people as well as we love ourselves. I'm excited for a year where I can once again learn how to be a good daughter, able to receive His love fully and without sabotaging myself with doubt, worry and fear. Being around revivalists from all over the world is amazing! God has already used a few of them to show me just how important my role is, and each of their roles are in the Kingdom and in seeing revival touch every part of the world. Worship has been beyond incredible; somehow worship with 1,100 people of all nationalities and ages just gets you closer to the throne than you've ever been. We're only 3 days in, but I can already see just how much this school year is more than exactly what I've needed and longed for. It has jump-started my faith in ways I've longed for. Faith...I'll get to that later.
2)Been incredibly blessed by 2 amazing women that have walked into my life. With 2 jobs and school these 2 girls have allowed me to be goofy, tired, and sometimes just plain lazy and survive. They have made me coffee, food, and encouraged me in times that I needed it most. I know that with the crazy schedule I have they have enabled me to not just survive, but thrive. After 5 months of living by myself and having to organize and take care of everything it's been an adjustment, but an amazingly joyful one to be able to share life with these girls. They are healthy, steady, and in love with Jesus and I know that God will use them to challenge me into a deeper walk with Him. It's been 2 weeks and I love them both already!
3)By the amazing courage of people, this week I was able to cut my tuition down by $600! This only leaves $1400 left altogether on my tuition and only $400 more due by the middle of October! YAY! This just so amazes and blesses me. If you are interested in giving in any way for this year, feel free to email me or check previous posts on how to do that.
4) Intaken SO much life-giving information. I seriously don't even know what to write here. I knew that by going to BSSM I would be learning a lot through our teachers, the Holy Spirit, in worship, and in our revival groups but I seriously had no idea. I would say the theme for me the most this week or what stuck out the most was how much we talked about faith. Here are a few snippets for you to chew on to close this way-too-long yet not-long-enough-to-explain blog:
"Faith is spelled R-I-S-K in the kingdom."
"Faith comes from our capacity to hear His voice, that capacity comes from the word of God."
"Faith can't be drummed up by striving-it comes from the residue of being with the faithful one."
"Faith should be the most normal expression of the believer."
"For faith to function well we have to be more convinced of what we can't see, rather than what we can."
Other things:
"Reasoning without Christ at the center is demonic in nature."
"Freedom is the mark of Heaven's citizenship."
"Life flows from honor."
"God wants to so renew your mind, He can do your will."
"Don't be intimate with God just for ministry's sake, that's called prostitution. Just be with Him for loving sake."
"We must learn to live as one who simply adores God."
(all quotes from Bill Johnson and Kris V.)
That's just a little glimpse into my week and life. For all of those not quite sure about the School of Supernatural Ministry, feel free to ask questions. I am certain that this has been the greatest investment of my time and money thus far in my journey for so many reasons. I have loved every step of my journey and of my life so far, and each step has been significant and important, but if in just 3 days my mindsets can shift so much, and I can come alive like I have, I cannot wait to see where I'm at after 8 months of it.
Week one: complete.
L
I am just so constantly amazed that God knows how much we need things, when it's not even on our radar and when we think we don't need something. Perhaps that means nothing to anyone else, but after a week like the one I just encountered I am positive that this one thing is true: "God's faithfulness knows no bounds and He will stop at nothing to show us."
I have in the last week:
1)Seen just how much I've needed BSSM. I've always loved God with my whole heart, but something is already coming alive in me that I didn't know was there. My love for Him is burning, and I think for the first time, in a long time, I can feel His love for me burning as well. As we learned this week, we can only love people as well as we love ourselves. I'm excited for a year where I can once again learn how to be a good daughter, able to receive His love fully and without sabotaging myself with doubt, worry and fear. Being around revivalists from all over the world is amazing! God has already used a few of them to show me just how important my role is, and each of their roles are in the Kingdom and in seeing revival touch every part of the world. Worship has been beyond incredible; somehow worship with 1,100 people of all nationalities and ages just gets you closer to the throne than you've ever been. We're only 3 days in, but I can already see just how much this school year is more than exactly what I've needed and longed for. It has jump-started my faith in ways I've longed for. Faith...I'll get to that later.
2)Been incredibly blessed by 2 amazing women that have walked into my life. With 2 jobs and school these 2 girls have allowed me to be goofy, tired, and sometimes just plain lazy and survive. They have made me coffee, food, and encouraged me in times that I needed it most. I know that with the crazy schedule I have they have enabled me to not just survive, but thrive. After 5 months of living by myself and having to organize and take care of everything it's been an adjustment, but an amazingly joyful one to be able to share life with these girls. They are healthy, steady, and in love with Jesus and I know that God will use them to challenge me into a deeper walk with Him. It's been 2 weeks and I love them both already!
3)By the amazing courage of people, this week I was able to cut my tuition down by $600! This only leaves $1400 left altogether on my tuition and only $400 more due by the middle of October! YAY! This just so amazes and blesses me. If you are interested in giving in any way for this year, feel free to email me or check previous posts on how to do that.
4) Intaken SO much life-giving information. I seriously don't even know what to write here. I knew that by going to BSSM I would be learning a lot through our teachers, the Holy Spirit, in worship, and in our revival groups but I seriously had no idea. I would say the theme for me the most this week or what stuck out the most was how much we talked about faith. Here are a few snippets for you to chew on to close this way-too-long yet not-long-enough-to-explain blog:
"Faith is spelled R-I-S-K in the kingdom."
"Faith comes from our capacity to hear His voice, that capacity comes from the word of God."
"Faith can't be drummed up by striving-it comes from the residue of being with the faithful one."
"Faith should be the most normal expression of the believer."
"For faith to function well we have to be more convinced of what we can't see, rather than what we can."
Other things:
"Reasoning without Christ at the center is demonic in nature."
"Freedom is the mark of Heaven's citizenship."
"Life flows from honor."
"God wants to so renew your mind, He can do your will."
"Don't be intimate with God just for ministry's sake, that's called prostitution. Just be with Him for loving sake."
"We must learn to live as one who simply adores God."
(all quotes from Bill Johnson and Kris V.)
That's just a little glimpse into my week and life. For all of those not quite sure about the School of Supernatural Ministry, feel free to ask questions. I am certain that this has been the greatest investment of my time and money thus far in my journey for so many reasons. I have loved every step of my journey and of my life so far, and each step has been significant and important, but if in just 3 days my mindsets can shift so much, and I can come alive like I have, I cannot wait to see where I'm at after 8 months of it.
Week one: complete.
L
Monday, September 10, 2012
Here we go!!
Deeep Breath.
Wow. What a wild ride. Never in my life have I known more deep within me that everything is about to change. Tomorrow is the first day of school and while I don't think that I'm nervous in the sense of 'will I fit in?' 'Will I make friends?' I am nervous because I know that what I have opened myself up to is going to change everything. In sooo many ways I'm beyond ready to start living the life I've always dreamed of. I've always longed to live in a way that risk is just my nature. To be so passionately sure of God's hand of love that I will jump knowing He will surely catch me. To envelope His love to those around me, and to walk in favor so that I may be a continual blessing to others body, soul and spirit.
One month ago, today was when I made the decision to attend the School of Ministry and I cannot believe that it is already here. In so many ways, the last month has been a complete and total dying to myself. I've always talked about that in concept, but now, I have seen a little taste of what it's been to walk through it. I almost see my life as a huge white board. For some reason, God has taken the eraser, scrubbed everything off and said, 'Let's see what we can do if you have this sort of mindset this year.' I know God, and I know that He wastes nothing, and values every single thing we walk through. But for me, this year the slate is clean. My heart keeps singing the question to me, "What can He do through one who is simply willing?" "What can He do through one who believes that He can do anything?" For some reason my heart dares to ask, "What could He do in me if I would really give Him a year to do whatever He would like to? None of my intentions, expectations, standards, or rules? How would I look if I simply took a year to learn how to love Him and love who He's made me? How transforming and shaping could this one surprise, crazy year be to my ministry for years and perhaps generations to come?"
Now, perhaps that seems a bit too large to some of you...but God told me to dream big this year and for my life, so that's what I will do. I refuse to put boundaries in my mind on what He can do this year. I refuse to miss a single thing because of a perception or past experiences. Every day I long to live and get the fullest reward. I will not hide behind my tiredness, my fear, my worry, my doubt, my 2 jobs, my introverted-ness, or anything else. I am a kid in a candy store this year, and God's 'flipping the bill.'
In the past month I have seen God do amazing things and it hasn't even started yet. Because of amazing people like yourselves I only have around $1100 left to raise for tuition...that's amazing! THANK YOU! And I will still be working my 2 jobs FOR NOW. I am believing the Lord for a creative way to make money so that hours will not be an issue and being too busy will not take anything away from school.
I have also been blessed with 2 of the most amazing roommates in the world! I truly believe that God has hand-picked each of us and I think this year will hold many amazing memories for each of us. I'm so looking forward to building relationships with these girls and for the joy that will be in our household. They have been amazingly gracious as the last few weeks I have been processing so much that it's pretty much just turned me just plain annoyingly goofy at moments. Anyways, I have been blessed with sweet, precious roommates and for that I am overly thankful.
As I stood in line today for over an hour getting registered I was amazed to think of how honored I am to be a part of this. At first, it was really easy for me to be a bit frustrated that God would ask me to go back to school. But now, I am overwhelmed at how lucky I am. To sit under teaching from people that have been walking with the Lord and have experienced miracles on a regular basis. To sit with peers from around the world, elders who have been in ministry for years and years, and younger passionate lovers is almost more than I can bare. I am outrageously humbled and once again crying at my computer...you'd think there'd be tear stains by now.
God is able to do what He'd like. But if you open up your heart to Him and commit to doing what He says, the ride is unbelievable. Am I still worried about finances? Sure. Am I still unsure of jobs and futures and other things? Absolutely. But seriously? Why would I stop, when I know who He is and His love? Why would I be 'safe' when I could have what He wants me to?
Day one of BSSM is tomorrow. And I can hardly wait.
Wow. What a wild ride. Never in my life have I known more deep within me that everything is about to change. Tomorrow is the first day of school and while I don't think that I'm nervous in the sense of 'will I fit in?' 'Will I make friends?' I am nervous because I know that what I have opened myself up to is going to change everything. In sooo many ways I'm beyond ready to start living the life I've always dreamed of. I've always longed to live in a way that risk is just my nature. To be so passionately sure of God's hand of love that I will jump knowing He will surely catch me. To envelope His love to those around me, and to walk in favor so that I may be a continual blessing to others body, soul and spirit.
One month ago, today was when I made the decision to attend the School of Ministry and I cannot believe that it is already here. In so many ways, the last month has been a complete and total dying to myself. I've always talked about that in concept, but now, I have seen a little taste of what it's been to walk through it. I almost see my life as a huge white board. For some reason, God has taken the eraser, scrubbed everything off and said, 'Let's see what we can do if you have this sort of mindset this year.' I know God, and I know that He wastes nothing, and values every single thing we walk through. But for me, this year the slate is clean. My heart keeps singing the question to me, "What can He do through one who is simply willing?" "What can He do through one who believes that He can do anything?" For some reason my heart dares to ask, "What could He do in me if I would really give Him a year to do whatever He would like to? None of my intentions, expectations, standards, or rules? How would I look if I simply took a year to learn how to love Him and love who He's made me? How transforming and shaping could this one surprise, crazy year be to my ministry for years and perhaps generations to come?"
Now, perhaps that seems a bit too large to some of you...but God told me to dream big this year and for my life, so that's what I will do. I refuse to put boundaries in my mind on what He can do this year. I refuse to miss a single thing because of a perception or past experiences. Every day I long to live and get the fullest reward. I will not hide behind my tiredness, my fear, my worry, my doubt, my 2 jobs, my introverted-ness, or anything else. I am a kid in a candy store this year, and God's 'flipping the bill.'
In the past month I have seen God do amazing things and it hasn't even started yet. Because of amazing people like yourselves I only have around $1100 left to raise for tuition...that's amazing! THANK YOU! And I will still be working my 2 jobs FOR NOW. I am believing the Lord for a creative way to make money so that hours will not be an issue and being too busy will not take anything away from school.
I have also been blessed with 2 of the most amazing roommates in the world! I truly believe that God has hand-picked each of us and I think this year will hold many amazing memories for each of us. I'm so looking forward to building relationships with these girls and for the joy that will be in our household. They have been amazingly gracious as the last few weeks I have been processing so much that it's pretty much just turned me just plain annoyingly goofy at moments. Anyways, I have been blessed with sweet, precious roommates and for that I am overly thankful.
As I stood in line today for over an hour getting registered I was amazed to think of how honored I am to be a part of this. At first, it was really easy for me to be a bit frustrated that God would ask me to go back to school. But now, I am overwhelmed at how lucky I am. To sit under teaching from people that have been walking with the Lord and have experienced miracles on a regular basis. To sit with peers from around the world, elders who have been in ministry for years and years, and younger passionate lovers is almost more than I can bare. I am outrageously humbled and once again crying at my computer...you'd think there'd be tear stains by now.
God is able to do what He'd like. But if you open up your heart to Him and commit to doing what He says, the ride is unbelievable. Am I still worried about finances? Sure. Am I still unsure of jobs and futures and other things? Absolutely. But seriously? Why would I stop, when I know who He is and His love? Why would I be 'safe' when I could have what He wants me to?
Day one of BSSM is tomorrow. And I can hardly wait.
Here we go!
My beautiful housemates acting a wee bit goofy at the lake!
For those of you facebook-less I got some new hair for a new season. ;)
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Back to School?!
Let me begin this blog by saying that in case you didn't know before...God has a very crazy sense of humor. I had no idea when I moved to California 8 months ago that one of the reasons was because God wanted me to go back to a school for Ministry. I thought I was done. I know that I have so much to learn, and that He wanted to teach me more about who I am and what exactly He has for me, but I had no idea until about 3 weeks ago, that this was the next step in the process that is my life.
But...through a couple of crazy, only-God-can-do-that encounters, here I am. 2 weeks and 1 day from starting school, $3000 to raise plus living expenses. Impossible, yeah? Nah, this same crazy God that has told me to go to school to begin with? I am in this process of learning how to trust Him. (hence the name of this blog) And while the thought of raising money makes me feel nauseous at times, I am pretty settled on one thing that I am so thankful for: God is just a little bit bigger and more able than me.
I will say though, that I frequently have to remind myself to take deep breaths. This came so far out of left field that I'm pretty sure I got blind-sided. Why is it that some of the best things in life come when we're not looking for them? I'm so glad that God is not confined to our tiny paradigm boxes, that He operates with eternity in mind, and that He knows exactly what we need even when we don't think we 'need' it at all.
I am going back to school. What?! It doesn't even seem real yet. I'm just gonna throw this out there: I never really liked school. I LOVE to learn and study and dissect things. I love to ponder and muse on an odd mix of subjects. I love to teach other people things too. But school? At about the 5th grade I really started to dislike it. I have a very unique learning style. I do things in odd orders, I have to create while I learn in order to really, fully learn and in most school structures I could hardly keep up enough to take notes, let alone draw little pictures beside them so I would remember. In many ways I felt like school killed a little part of me. My innocent creativity and imagination, my unique style of learning seemed to fade in the structured time slots of class periods.
I'm in awe of God. He just knows what we need even when we cannot put words to it. Did I say that already? Yeah, well I'll say it again anyways. Since moving to this insane place called Redding, God has been removing so much in my heart that could separate me from Him and other people. In almost every way He could make me uncomfortable, He has. I'm away from my family, and almost every other form of 'safety' I've previously known. Everything that I loved before is being reworked, almost like He is remaking the very fabric that holds me and defines me.
One day last week I was thinking about everything that's happening at an insane pace. I was almost frustrated at the thought of really going back to school...in some ways it felt to me like a step backwards, like I should already 'know' everything I need to really start into ministry. And, with needing to raise funds and ask for money I was feeling like it was confirming to me that it was. (why do we always do this to ourselves! Maybe it's just me?) Feelings can be very deceiving.
But...then I found this. For 'some reason' before I moved here I had found this at home and while I left all other keepsakes back in iowa this one got stuck in my planner. Throughout my time here it's actually annoyed me, constantly falling out and in the way of where I need to write my plans (there's that sense of humor again, God!) At one point I actually used the paper as scrap paper, that's how much I thought of it. But, on this day last week, the sweet simplicity brought tears to my eyes, and insane peace to my heart.
I wrote this in the 1st Grade...
But...through a couple of crazy, only-God-can-do-that encounters, here I am. 2 weeks and 1 day from starting school, $3000 to raise plus living expenses. Impossible, yeah? Nah, this same crazy God that has told me to go to school to begin with? I am in this process of learning how to trust Him. (hence the name of this blog) And while the thought of raising money makes me feel nauseous at times, I am pretty settled on one thing that I am so thankful for: God is just a little bit bigger and more able than me.
I will say though, that I frequently have to remind myself to take deep breaths. This came so far out of left field that I'm pretty sure I got blind-sided. Why is it that some of the best things in life come when we're not looking for them? I'm so glad that God is not confined to our tiny paradigm boxes, that He operates with eternity in mind, and that He knows exactly what we need even when we don't think we 'need' it at all.
I am going back to school. What?! It doesn't even seem real yet. I'm just gonna throw this out there: I never really liked school. I LOVE to learn and study and dissect things. I love to ponder and muse on an odd mix of subjects. I love to teach other people things too. But school? At about the 5th grade I really started to dislike it. I have a very unique learning style. I do things in odd orders, I have to create while I learn in order to really, fully learn and in most school structures I could hardly keep up enough to take notes, let alone draw little pictures beside them so I would remember. In many ways I felt like school killed a little part of me. My innocent creativity and imagination, my unique style of learning seemed to fade in the structured time slots of class periods.
I'm in awe of God. He just knows what we need even when we cannot put words to it. Did I say that already? Yeah, well I'll say it again anyways. Since moving to this insane place called Redding, God has been removing so much in my heart that could separate me from Him and other people. In almost every way He could make me uncomfortable, He has. I'm away from my family, and almost every other form of 'safety' I've previously known. Everything that I loved before is being reworked, almost like He is remaking the very fabric that holds me and defines me.
One day last week I was thinking about everything that's happening at an insane pace. I was almost frustrated at the thought of really going back to school...in some ways it felt to me like a step backwards, like I should already 'know' everything I need to really start into ministry. And, with needing to raise funds and ask for money I was feeling like it was confirming to me that it was. (why do we always do this to ourselves! Maybe it's just me?) Feelings can be very deceiving.
But...then I found this. For 'some reason' before I moved here I had found this at home and while I left all other keepsakes back in iowa this one got stuck in my planner. Throughout my time here it's actually annoyed me, constantly falling out and in the way of where I need to write my plans (there's that sense of humor again, God!) At one point I actually used the paper as scrap paper, that's how much I thought of it. But, on this day last week, the sweet simplicity brought tears to my eyes, and insane peace to my heart.
I wrote this in the 1st Grade...
As I read it I realized that while I know I want and am called to serve Him with my life in ministry, I'm not sure in what capacity and in what way. I want God to take me back to the simplicity of living like this. When I look at the scope of the Kingdom I really do need and want and am excited to go back to school. What a huge honor to get the most, and best training I can. And what a huge honor that God would take me back to school now, and here even when I didn't think I needed it. Without me even looking, I have again been blessed beyond measure.
I had to laugh because with 2 jobs and running a house on my own, the last season of my life can be summed up by the word Chaos. I was relieved to see that I think God wants to give me this kind of a season. Simple truths that shape who I am, and my life. I don't know a whole lot, but I do know this:
I love Jesus because He's fun. Father God is my favorite because He loves me all the time. I like school because it's where I want to be. I need a miracle to make it a reality. I will sell my kidney, or even worse, my piano if I have to because God has asked me to go back to school and no sacrifice is too great. And...I still like to read books because I like to look at pictures.
Welp, there you have it. It's big news and hard to believe that just a little over a month after God birthed this decision, I will be sitting in class. But, like I said, it's going to take a huge miracle. I will be attending Bethel Supernatural School of Ministry. It is a training for leaders who want to see Revival all over the world. I have so much to learn about what my role is, and if you would like to invest in what God is doing in me and in my future, words would not express my thankfulness. I also value very highly your prayers. This is a huge transition to make in just over a month. Like I said, I have a lot of money to raise in a very short amount of time, like a week from today would be great.
For more information on the school:
If you would like to make a donation towards my tuition:
http://www.ibssm.org (click donate online, donate to my name, you can do this annonymously)
If you would like to donate to my living expenses this year, as I will only be able to work a limited amount of hours at my 2 jobs or if you have any questions at all you can email me: larahochstetler@gmail.com
What do I even say? Thank you SO much and God bless you abundantly! I'm looking forward to many testimonies in the future!
Blessings,
Lara
Do these glasses make me look smart? I should probably get them for school.
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