Peace and Freedom

There's a sweet ecstasy when you realize you're thinking about absolutely nothing because you're aware that you don't need to. When you're aware of God's peace because it's so captured your heart and you give your mind over to it. 

Peace that passes understanding, what a beautiful thing. What a glorious, marvelous thing. There's almost nothing that leaves me aware of Him more than when I should not be feeling joy, and that's what I'm feeling. When I know that I should be feeling sad and instead I've never felt more alive. When I should be scared and yet one word from Him silences my fears. When I want answers to questions I've had for years and yet a simple, "It will be ok, Lara" from Him is totally fine with me.

Peace that calms raging seas.

Because, have you ever truly stopped and thought about the implications of the fact that Jesus didn't stay in the grave? I often find myself getting to the cross, but forget to truly experience the resurrection! I mean, really...have you thought about it? Like, sat and allowed yourself body, soul and spirit to be completely wrecked by it? I'm almost undone every time.

Because Jesus didn't stay dead, we now live FROM victory, not searching FOR it! It's already over! We just now have to live not only aware of it, but transformed by it! I don't know...it's just good news that I cannot possibly get over, and hope I never EVER do!

There's something that clicks inside of you when you realize exactly what Jesus still being alive means. There's something even more powerful that happens when you realize that the SAME power that rose Jesus from the dead now LIVES inside of you! That. Is. Crazy.

I'm pretty sure that when Jesus walked out of the tomb, He was laughing.

And I'm pretty sure that when we are aware of these implications, of Jesus being alive, we will live and walk in freedom and in peace.



Freedom, it tastes so sweet, it feels like life undiluted.
Freedom, you've raptured me, captivating my mind till I'm paralyzed in joy.

Oh, there's nothing left to fear, no worries, not a care when I'm standing here with you. 
You've taken over me, completely over me, and I am finally set free. 

Mysteries

It really has been too long once again. And once again I am lacking the creative touch that I feel is needed to start these random musings. But I feel that a blog is due before my trip to the other side of the world. I leave for Lebanon in 4 days. I am beyond excited. If I could leave right now, I would go without a suitcase, I'm that ready. But alas, 3 days of work, 2 days of school and a list to get done as long as a yard stick still stand in my way. And so I've been working extremely hard to focus the last few days. To focus on not getting my suitcase out, to not allow my mind to go to the endless things I think I have to remember or I will die (after 2 weeks? What has Westernism done to my brain!) 
But most of all I've been focusing really hard (which I need to do at all times) on getting every single gem I can out of this week. I would hate to miss a jewel, a treasure that The Lord has hidden for me here and now because I'm too focused on the there and then of the next season. Oh, how often am I guilty of that?! And let me tell you, since this has been my focus, I have had some of the most precious moments with The Lord. The most precious that I've had. 

Really, I didn't write to write about any of that (surprise!). I did, however want to share some thoughts I quickly jotted down today during worship. It was such a rich time and I just wanted to challenge you with it. It's core to who I am, and I'm telling you, it's truth. 

-By embracing and being excited about the mysteries of God, the things not understood, you are declaring the mightiness of God and opening yourself up to receive the beautiful things that are unknown to those who are constantly in need of an explanation. Sometimes you just have to say 'no' to needing to understand everything and say 'yes' to an all-knowing, all-powerful God that created you before the world knew of you. The highest form of trust you can show Him is to stand in the midst of a situation that makes no sense and worship as if you do. I have a high value for reason and thinking- i love to strategize and find new things, but I run into the mysteries of God. There has been nothing else that leaves me in awe of His vastness more than seeing something from Him that makes no sense to me but speaks of His glory. When I run into Him and make Him my complete focus and lay down my need to understand, I find that it puts me in a position where I let Him be my reason. He can show me how and what to think. I think that too often we miss what God is doing because we are expecting something specific and God is doing or saying something else. When we are growing in deeper and more intimate relationship with him we should constantly be in situations where we are learning something new from and about him. I worry if we feel that we have Him figured out. He is a beautiful, creative, fun, good God that loves to talk and meet with His kids. I pray that we can rediscover that more and more as we grow in awe of Him. 

"There's no place I'd rather be, than here in your love, here in your love."

I think that's all for now. Goodnight from Redding-land. 
Lara

Absolutely No Less:

Blog. Blog. Blog. Blog.

I really have no way to creatively start blogs. It's just not an art that comes easily for me. But, I am feeling the need to write, perhaps a bit randomly, but definitely straight from my heart.

This past week has been a battle for me. Since being in Redding God has been challenging me in this phrase a lot: "Lara, become who you are fully. No more than you are, but absolutely no less." I've come to realize, just as i think every human is designed to realize, that without Him I am nothing, but with Him, really there are no limits. Even with all of the victories I've walked through, with all of the breakthrough I've seen both internally and externally I still finding myself sabotaging myself. I have no problem with the "no more than you are" part (in the wrong way, thinking less of ourselves is SO amazingly easy to do!) but I have a really hard time with the "but absolutely no less."

Absolutely no less:
I'm pretty sure that God has created us each to be amazing. To shine, and be the light of the world. To carry Him well, and to love extravagantly. Why is it then, that so many Christians walk around thinking that it's somehow a really bad thing to really shine? To really carry the love of God in an extravagant way that attracts people to Him? Why is it that we grow up thinking that if we truly believe in ourselves that somehow it's some terrible sin? One of our pastors really put it in perspective for me this week. He said, "Confidence operates out of the phrase, 'What can I give?' while arrogance operates out of the phrase, 'what can I get?' As long as you have that in perspective, go for it!" This helped voice something for me...

I know that I carry a strength and resilience that is very unique and that not everyone can say they have.  I can naturally do a lot for a 24 year old woman. But I also know that I am a little girl at heart. I love to wear pretty things, make up silly songs, giggle, hope for the impossible and dance and adventure through life. I have for so long, walked through life thinking that because I was one, I couldn't be the other. That if I was completely strong, that no one would like me because they would think I wouldn't need anything, that no guy would ever be gutsy enough to even attempt to break in to my life. But while it's true that I can do a lot on my own, I'm also fully aware that I love to be taken care of. I realized this week that I have full permission to be fully both. That just because I'm strong, doesn't mean that I'm not soft. And just because I'm soft, doesn't mean that I'm weak. My process of learning how to be 'absolutely no less than fully myself' has included figuring out that while I am fully a daughter, I am also fully aware of the strength the Lord has given me as a gift to carry with grace, intensity and extravagant love to the people of this world.

I don't know where I'm going with all of this except to say that I think it's time we started living up to our full potential. Not some strange, mustered confidence...but true reliance and confidence in the one who gave us the very things we have to offer the world. I just long for the day so much where the church realizes who she is, and what she has to offer the world. What is it that you have to give to the world? Why are you afraid to be fully who you are? I'd really encourage you to wrestle with that question. Because until you are at peace with who you are, I don't think you can fully give what God has given you to give. I don't believe that you'll truly be alive until you find joy in the life you've been given. I love who I am, I wouldn't ever want to be anyone else. And neither should you.

I know that for me, this week was life-changing. I'm so much more aware of who He's made me to be, and I know that He's given me permission to be all that I am in fullness with confidence. No more, but absolutely no less. And He's giving you permission too...will you take it?

Mother Theresa said it best: "We must never forget that we are bound toward perfection and should aim ceaselessly at it."

Blessings,
Lara

To Lebaonon and Beyond!

For those of you who are not on my email, address list here is my support letter! Thank you for considering investing in this amazing oportunity! :)

Dear Family and Friends,

 I've had the honor this year of going to the Bethel School of Ministry here in Redding, California something that I didn't plan on doing when I moved to California. I've written in my past emails that it is the best thing that I never knew I needed, and that is certainly true. As part of our school, we get to go on missions trips in the Spring apart from our tuition. At the time of choosing my missions trip I still had over a thousand dollars left to pay on my tuition here at school. As we were choosing missions trips, I was really tempted to pick trips that were only state-side, making them cheaper than international trips. While this would have been great, and ministry is so needed anywhere and in every context, after spending time with the Lord I realized I was choosing those out of fear, and not because I was feeling called to those places. Since being here the Lord has really been stirring my heart more and more for the nations. For probably the last 8 years or so I have been praying more specifically and feeling more drawn to the culture of the Middle East. I have fallen in love more specifically with the women of that culture and read a lot of their stories. Even though I have always had a desire to get to the Middle East, it has always been something that I viewed as far off, somewhere I would go when I was older and 'more experienced.' However, as I was reading through the mission trips choices, 3 of M.E. countries stood out to me. With faith, I chose the countries I felt like Holy Spirit was highlighting to me, not the countries that my bank account told me I could go to.

I love how God works...a week later my tuition got paid off in full, and a month later I found out that God wanted to turn a far off dream, into a reality today. March 29-April 12 I am planning on going to Lebanon with a group of 15 from the school. For those of you who don't have the Middle East memorized, Lebanon is the country in between Israel and Syria along the Mediterranean Sea. While in country, we will be partnering with a ministry that is already established in country called Tent of Praise to serve their vision in the area. We will be working to bring the love of God from the top of the Lebanon Mountain Range to the edge of the Mediterranean Sea, from villages to Universities. We will work to encourage the local churches, praying with them for breakthrough and also partnering with them in outreaches. We will also be doing street ministry and stepping out in faith to see amazing things happen in people's lives as they're touched by the love of God. And what better way to pray into both Syria and Israel than from the country that shares a border in one trip?

The heart and passion of the Bethel Mission Trips Department is to see the sons and daughters of God in all the nations awaken to His goodness and love. As children of Heaven, we have access to His Kingdom and demonstrate His love, glory, and power in all aspects of society. Their strategy is to raise up a generation of world changers in their own nations to begin to run with their God-given inheritance to bring heaven to earth and transform their nation. This trip, through Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (BSSM), ultimately reflects the vision of the Bethel Mission Trips Department and I am excited to have a part along with 1,100 of my classmates. :)

It is in great humility that I ask if you would like to partner with me once again to make this a reality. I am so excited already about what God is going to do. It is in my heart to see as many people in the world burning with realization of who they are and just how much God loves them. I am asking that you seek the Lord if and how you are to give, whether financially or through prayer. The trip altogether is $2645, and I need to raise at least $1445 by JANUARY 22nd in order to secure my plane ticket. Because of amazing people like you, I have already been able to raise $400 of that! THANK YOU! I will need to raise the remaining $1200 by February 26th. If you would like to give, just follow these instructions:

 

Financial gifts may be made online at https://missiontrips.ibethel.org. (this is tax deductible if needed) Go to 'Give today' and under 'Find a traveler' type student's  name, select it and fill out payment information. 

If online payment is not an option, check donations can be made payable to Bethel Church and mailed to the following address:  

Bethel Mission Trips Department

915 Twin View Blvd.,

Redding, CA 96003.  ( Please include a note with the donation designating which student’s trip 

you are supporting.) 

I also cannot tell you how much I value your prayers. I do realize very much the area I am walking into willingly and the dangers there are. I don't pretend to be naive, but I do know who God is, and I do know what kind of people are praying for me. The covering you create is too great to place a value on. I know that I (and probably my mother this time around) value your prayers very much. They are rich, and very felt. 

I know that an email cannot tell you all how excited I am for this trip. It feels like the beginning of something completely new for me. Thank you so much for how you've supported me as I travel to the near places and the not-so-near ones trying to be obedient, and to learn how to trust. While I don't know exactly how far He'll lead me, it is so comforting to know the support I have. Thank you for considering investing and partnering with what I know the Lord is doing in my life. My breakthroughs are always yours, and my blessings I pray will be given to you 100 times over. I love you all and will keep you updated on this great adventure of dreams coming true!

God bless!

Lara

(if you have any questions, my phone number is (319) 750-2385)

2013/2012 pondering and randomness

So those of you who know me best know that I love to dream. I love to think about what God can do, what's in my heart to do and what He's going to do that's 'better than I can even ask or imagine.' Well it's 13 days into 2013 and until last night I'd done none of that for this new year. That's pretty much unheard of in my world. I love to dream. I love to help other people dream, plan and create. So why the hod up this new year?
Of all the wild years, I think 2012 topped them for me. I never had as many surprises, twists and turns. I've never been so challenged both in good ways and in harder ways. I've laughed so hard, cried so deep, and everything in between. As I look back on my last year I don't even recognize the person who's sitting in this chair; or rather the person who was sitting in this chair a year ago. I've come a far  and yet I'm more fully aware more than ever of how far I have to go. 12 months ago I had just moved here, no idea really why except I heard 'go' and had an open door. 2012 has been a crazy ride.

Some of the highlights:
-moved to redding, ca
-had a job within 5 days of moving here
-got to go to Ireland for 9 days to pray and enjoy that beautiful land
-have the honor of helping one or my spiritual moms with her ministry
-the morning after asking The Lord for another source of income got called back for a second job
-completely reprinted a whole house, and had the joy of preparing it for its owner.
-had a dream that I should go back to school at a time when resources were quite low
-saw God provide for all of my schooling
-had the largest financial breakthrough of my life which enabled me to go home for Christmas to my family
-got word that I get to go on a missions trip to the Middle East this spring fulfilling a dream in my heart that almost no one knew about.
-had a week with my parents
-was physically healed of a 2 week long headache
-have had more dreams birthed in me this year than my whole life combined
-have had so many wonderful people come visit! :)
-get to go to school, specifically, revival group with some of the most amazing, radical, lovely people on the face or the planet from all over the planet.

S yeah, I'm sure I missed a whole bunch of things, but where do you start? I'm learning more and more about how to dream with passion and intentionality but also how to give those dreams back to The Lord and TRUSTING Him with them. (Go figure, it still has to do with trust) when we can lay down our rights to be in control of everything, it's amazing what He can do. I just really didn't think I wanted or needed to be in school but I'm so very glad that it happened. I'm so very glad that I was so wrong.

So what's this got to do with 2013? Or anything for that matter? I'm not 100% sure. I do have things I would love to see happen in the coming year. I have goals and hopes and dreams that are so crazy that unless I give them to God are downright impossible. Impossible. Previous years of my life I would have looked at this past year and said impossible. I want my life to be impossible. This happens by taking my life and completely placing it in His hands. More than anything I want to stay right at his feet. Taking what He gives me and putting it back under His control. Allowing Him to take me to places I never planned. I long for 2013 to be a year that I learn more and more how to pour myself outas a drink offering to Him. To allow Him to overcome me, to trust Him with my heart, and to give Him away to everyone that I meet.

Well, if that wasn't the most incongruent blog I've written I don't know what is.

Also, I apologize for mistakes, for some reason I can't go back and edit. :( weird.

Love you all!
-Lara

A quick, but huge testimony

I know, real original title, eh? I just realized that I had something SUPER substantial happen to me this past week but I have not shared it. For those of you that aren't familiar with the power of a testimony let me just do a quick run-down for ya. For those of you who are: feel free to skip ahead! :) When we release testimonies (what the Lord has done for us) it is 1)to give glory to God, and cause others to praise Him or see Him differently 2) it actually releases the same kind of breakthrough to those who are waiting for it 3)it's just great to celebrate how AMAZING our God is! It's in no way, shape, or form to bring attention to me, and I hope you know my heart in that.

-As all of my fellow BSSM students know, a lot of our payments were due this past week. I had opted out of doing a payment plan because I really did believe that God was going to provide my last bit of tuition. I had a substantial amount left but just felt like that was what I was supposed to do.

-Rewind 2 months. I've had seasons of time where God was totally providing for me. I was at Worship School, didn't have a job and yet always had enough for bills, housing, etc. About 2 months ago I was really struggling because during this season I'm working 2 jobs and it still feels like I'm not seeing any financial breakthrough. One night I had a huge emotional breakdown because I had totally made this financial 'thing' all my responsibility. I didn't understand how I could be working so hard and yet not see God partnering with any of my work. I love to give, and yet I felt like I had to constantly quiet that part of my heart because of the fear that would rise up concerning finances. I was frustrated, broken and didn't feel much hope, to be honest...all the while there was literally nothing I could do but trust God. I was already working as much as I could really mentally handle along with school. After some prayer from some amazing roommates and parents I decided that I obviously needed to change something in my mind. I've always been taught to live like you would if you had more than enough, but I had never actually done it.

I started a huge process of learning to enjoy Him in my work, and also how to trust. I started giving away large portions of my income in spite of every form of logic in my mind. I knew what I was hearing from Him to do, and I was trying desperately to not only be obedient, but to be obedient with joy. Now there's a challenge, that is, until you actually do it and you fall in love with His purposes for things, especially concerning finances.

-So, here I was living my life still not seeing any breakthrough but just having a different perspective on the matter. I don't even know how to type all of this because it still doesn't even feel real, except it is. It is just such a beautiful picture of what God does for us. I was approached by someone who not only wanted to give me money, but wanted to give me 5 TIMES the amount of my tuition that was left! Can someone say Praise the Lord? Goodness. Not only that, they gave me the money to use however I want to. They were very careful to remind me, 'Lara, you see. You hear. And I, and God, trust you to use this however you want and need to. He believes in you and knows you have the kingdom's purposes in mind.'

I keep trying to process all this means. And while, yes, this money does change my life, in a lot of ways it doesn't at all. The core values of giving, and trusting God, and obeying Him with joy all remain exactly the same. I know that God has to take us through certain seasons to teach us certain lessons, and I am SO grateful that I walked through the season I did this past year and a half when I had a 'lack.' What a beautiful picture of the fact that there is no lack in heaven. None whatsoever.

So, I release my testimony of provision over you. But more than that, I release the peace that I have felt the last 2 months over you. So that you can stand in a hard place and know exactly who your Father is. A good Father, with good things for you. May you be graced with the ability to stand in times of uncertainty and live in joy and generosity. I am so thankful that hope is so much stronger than fear.

I can't wait to hear about your breakthroughs!
Lara

This Place...

How in the world do I always end up in this place?
You know, this place where so much has happened and I could not possibly begin to explain all of it and do it justice at all. It doesn't help that I'm in a place where sometimes I literally feel like I'm living 3 lives all at the same time. Like I'm careening down rapids with no life raft, flat on my back staring into the sky and praying that I will just happen to float around all of the obstacles that I can't even see. The oddest thing about this season is that in any other circumstance, it would feel overwhelming. But I love it. Like, genuinely, deeply, I love it. I really never thought I could be working 2 jobs and going to school and be happy. I never really knew or understood that I had the capacity to. Sure, I knew bits of my strength, but never, ever the fullness of it. Not at this level anyways. If there's one thing I'm learning in this season, besides my capacity in Him. It's that it's all about His sweet, sweet presence. That's the only way I can at all explain why I haven't gone crazy, and in fact the opposite is happening. I love my life. Sure, I mess up. I slept through 4 alarms yesterday because I was so exhausted. But life is full, and life is really good. When our lives are constantly centered around seeking His presence, I am becoming more and more sure that we really can do anything.
At the beginning of this year I was moving across the country. I had a perceived idea of what Redding would include, but really I had no idea. I knew I had heard the Lord say to come, but didn't know a lot more. In May I was blessed with the opportunity to go to Ireland and pray through the country with some amazing people. In August I heard the Lord say to go to school. I promptly said no, but because I have committed my life to Him, He won that argument. So here I am, at a school I'd never thought I'd be at, living in California, working 2 jobs, all within 11 months. I found out 2 weeks ago, that in March I am heading to Lebanon. This is a HUGE dream come true for me. I have always had a heart for the middle east, specifically muslim women. But i had already kind of decided that I wouldn't probably make it to the middle east until my 30s. I knew it was in my heart, and a dream but seriously, if you would have told me all of this before I moved here, I might have laughed at you.

But that's just the thing, God really is good. He really is in a good mood. He really does want to see us accomplish our dreams WAY more than we do. And He really does believe in us. He is working out SO much more for us than we sometimes even allow Him to. If there's one thing I've set in my heart this past week it's been that I MUST stop underestimating what He can do in me, through me, and in the world. His intentions for us are pure. Does this mean that life is easy? Absolutely not. But the dreams of our heart, are out of His heart.

We are embarking on a week that is known for Thankfulness. And while I cannot possibly begin to tell you all that is going on around me and deep inside of me, one thing is for sure: I am so thankful for my life. All the crazy, chaotic, hopeful, daring aspect of it and I live for this one thing: to see God glorified through EVERY aspect of my life.

Love you all.