I'm going to try really hard to make this as cohesive as possible but there really are no promises. I'm in the process of making some pretty big life decisions, doing research and trying to remain present with where I am, so I'm aware of my need for solitude and being intentional to create space to encounter the Lord with my full attention. Knowing this caused me to choose to take a bit of a break from the Social Media world last week.
You know what I found out? I'm addicted. I'm addicted to constantly checking on others' lives, comparing mine and offering my opinions about things that in reality I have no responsibility/ownership for. This realization was a hard one. Instead of being present, thankful and passionate about the life God has given me and spending my best energy on pursuit of all that He has I have seen more than ever how much of my time is wasted and eaten by the pursuit of man's opinion, of 'connecting' half-heartedly with people all over the world rather than those right in front of me and most distressingly of all...that I am not giving God, Himself, my full attention! I began my little break on a Monday. By Sunday, I was literally feeling sick at how much withdrawal I felt. And sadly, by the next Wednesday I was back on Instagram.
I know what my friends closest to me will say..."Lara, you're so Amish." But while being addicted is one thing to navigate I believe that what I was feeling was magnified by some of our distressing, most current events.
No matter how hard I try I cannot reconcile in my mind nor my heart a world where in one weekend when racial tensions flare so despairingly in a 1st world nation, is the very same weekend a game like 'Pokemon Go' thrives and captures everyones attention to the point that grown men are literally swerving off the road to capture something that does not exist. If you really stop to think about it, how do two polarizing things exist in the same reality?
How are there 3.9 million displaced people, the same population of Los Angeles, in one country alone and the headlines talk about how one random, obscure person wore the same dress to two different meaningless events? Our reality is a mind-bending one and my little heart sometimes wonders how to navigate the conflicting feelings that our American reality presents to us as "normal."
Please hear me. I like Facebook and Instagram and Twitter! I like the fact that someday when I am overseas I'll be able to be a part of people's lives here at home. I love the creative outlet that these avenues give me. But so often we hide behind the fronts that we meticulously create and present to the world as our life. We build Kingdoms for ourselves and hide behind our fortified walls hurling opinions and stones over the side. And those same walls that keep us 'protected' also keep us from the reality of our world as we become disillusioned about what actually matters. And within our own confines we get to choose what affects us and when it affects us and how it affects us, essentially desensitizing us. If it's not convenient, we click it off and shut our hearts down to it. When we want a soapbox, we have the world at our fingertips, etc.
I've been desperately working to knock down my walls so that I can't hide. I've been trying to allow God to affect me and Him only first and foremost. And while it's brought a lot of discomfort and a lot of tension of seeing the reality of what's really important to Him vs. what's become important in our society it's also shown me His heart like never before. His reality is far better than any newsfeed. His encouragement is so much more valuable than any 'like' or love.
While I hope that you know that I would never condemn people for something as little as social media usage (I love it, too!) I would challenge you to think about how it affects you. I would encourage you think about your virtual reality vs. the reality that you live in! And most of all I would encourage you to ask Him for His heart, for His opinion and for His insights before you take anything to the social media world.
I'll remind you of a little song that was popular when I was quite young. In this day of Pokemon, tweeting, refugees and governmental coups may it become the cry of our heart once again. And not just shallowly but deeply, uncomfortably and intimately:
"Heal my heart and make it clean.
Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
Show me how to love like you have loved me.
Break my heart for what breaks yours.
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause.
As I walk from earth into eternity"
