Saturday, September 15, 2012

Week One of BSSM.

Where do I even begin?
I am just so constantly amazed that God knows how much we need things, when it's not even on our radar and when we think we don't need something. Perhaps that means nothing to anyone else, but after a week like the one I just encountered I am positive that this one thing is true: "God's faithfulness knows no bounds and He will stop at nothing to show us."

I have in the last week:
1)Seen just how much I've needed BSSM. I've always loved God with my whole heart, but something is already coming alive in me that I didn't know was there. My love for Him is burning, and I think for the first time, in a long time, I can feel His love for me burning as well. As we learned this week, we can only love people as well as we love ourselves. I'm excited for a year where I can once again learn how to be a good daughter, able to receive His love fully and without sabotaging myself with doubt, worry and fear. Being around revivalists from all over the world is amazing! God has already used a few of them to show me just how important my role is, and each of their roles are in the Kingdom and in seeing revival touch every part of the world. Worship has been beyond incredible; somehow worship with 1,100 people of all nationalities and ages just gets you closer to the throne than you've ever been. We're only 3 days in, but I can already see just how much this school year is more than exactly what I've needed and longed for. It has jump-started my faith in ways I've longed for. Faith...I'll get to that later.

2)Been incredibly blessed by 2 amazing women that have walked into my life. With 2 jobs and school these 2 girls have allowed me to be goofy, tired, and sometimes just plain lazy and survive. They have made me coffee, food, and encouraged me in times that I needed it most. I know that with the crazy schedule I have they have enabled me to not just survive, but thrive. After 5 months of living by myself and having to organize and take care of everything it's been an adjustment, but an amazingly joyful one to be able to share life with these girls. They are healthy, steady, and in love with Jesus and I know that God will use them to challenge me into a deeper walk with Him. It's been 2 weeks and I love them both already!

3)By the amazing courage of people, this week I was able to cut my tuition down by $600! This only leaves $1400 left altogether on my tuition and only $400 more  due by the middle of October! YAY! This just so amazes and blesses me. If you are interested in giving in any way for this year, feel free to email me or check previous posts on how to do that.

4) Intaken SO much life-giving information. I seriously don't even know what to write here. I knew that by going to BSSM I would be learning  a lot through our teachers, the Holy Spirit, in worship, and in our revival groups but I seriously had no idea. I would say the theme for me the most this week or what stuck out the most was how much we talked about faith. Here are a few snippets for you to chew on to close this way-too-long yet not-long-enough-to-explain blog:

"Faith is spelled R-I-S-K in the kingdom."
"Faith comes from our capacity to hear His voice, that capacity comes from the word of God."
"Faith can't be drummed up by striving-it comes from the residue of being with the faithful one."
"Faith should be the most normal expression of the believer."
"For faith to function well we have to be more convinced of what we can't see, rather than what we can."
Other things:
"Reasoning without Christ at the center is demonic in nature."
"Freedom is the mark of Heaven's citizenship."
"Life flows from honor."
"God wants to so renew your mind, He can do your will."
"Don't be intimate with God just for ministry's sake, that's called prostitution. Just be with Him for loving sake."
"We must learn to live as one who simply adores God."
(all quotes from Bill Johnson and Kris V.)

That's just a little glimpse into my week and life. For all of those not quite sure about the School of Supernatural Ministry, feel free to ask questions. I am certain that this has been the greatest investment of my time and money thus far in my journey for so many reasons. I have loved every step of my journey and of my life so far, and each step has been significant and important, but if in just 3 days my mindsets can shift so much, and I can come alive like I have, I cannot wait to see where I'm at after 8 months of it.

Week one: complete.
L

Monday, September 10, 2012

Here we go!!

Deeep Breath.

Wow. What a wild ride. Never in my life have I known more deep within me that everything is about to change. Tomorrow is the first day of school and while I don't think that I'm nervous in the sense of 'will I fit in?' 'Will I make friends?' I am nervous because I know that what I have opened myself up to is going to change everything. In sooo many ways I'm beyond ready to start living the life I've always dreamed of. I've always longed to live in a way that risk is just my nature. To be so passionately sure of God's hand of love that I will jump knowing He will surely catch me. To envelope His love to those around me, and to walk in favor so that I may be a continual blessing to others body, soul and spirit.

One month ago, today was when I made the decision to attend the School of Ministry and I cannot believe that it is already here. In so many ways, the last month has been a complete and total dying to myself. I've always talked about that in concept, but now, I have seen a little taste of what it's been to walk through it. I almost see my life as a huge white board. For some reason, God has taken the eraser, scrubbed everything off and said, 'Let's see what we can do if you have this sort of mindset this year.' I know God, and I know that He wastes nothing, and values every single thing we walk through. But for me, this year the slate is clean. My heart keeps singing the question to me, "What can He do through one who is simply willing?" "What can He do through one who believes that He can do anything?" For some reason my heart dares to ask, "What could He do in me if I would really give Him a year to do whatever He would like to? None of my intentions, expectations, standards, or rules? How would I look if I simply took a year to learn how to love Him and love who He's made me? How transforming and shaping could this one surprise, crazy year be to my ministry for years and perhaps generations to come?"

Now, perhaps that seems a bit too large to some of you...but God told me to dream big this year and for my life, so that's what I will do. I refuse to put boundaries in my mind on what He can do this year. I refuse to miss a single thing because of a perception or past experiences. Every day I long to live and get the fullest reward. I will not hide behind my tiredness, my fear, my worry, my doubt, my 2 jobs, my introverted-ness, or anything else. I am a kid in a candy store this year, and God's 'flipping the bill.'

In the past month I have seen God do amazing things and it hasn't even started yet. Because of amazing people like yourselves I only have around $1100 left to raise for tuition...that's amazing! THANK YOU! And I will still be working my 2 jobs FOR NOW. I am believing the Lord for a creative way to make money so that hours will not be an issue and being too busy will not take anything away from school.

I have also been blessed with 2 of the most amazing roommates in the world! I truly believe that God has hand-picked each of us and I think this year will hold many amazing memories for each of us. I'm so looking forward to building relationships with these girls and for the joy that will be in our household. They have been amazingly gracious as the last few weeks I have been processing so much that it's pretty much just turned me just plain annoyingly goofy at moments. Anyways, I have been blessed with sweet, precious roommates and for that I am overly thankful.

As I stood in line today for over an hour getting registered I was amazed to think of how honored I am to be a part of this. At first, it was really easy for me to be a bit frustrated that God would ask me to go back to school. But now, I am overwhelmed at how lucky I am. To sit under teaching from people that have been walking with the Lord and have experienced miracles on a regular basis. To sit with peers from around the world, elders who have been in ministry for years and years, and younger passionate lovers is almost more than I can bare. I am outrageously humbled and once again crying at my computer...you'd think there'd be tear stains by now.

God is able to do what He'd like. But if you open up your heart to Him and commit to doing what He says, the ride is unbelievable. Am I still worried about finances? Sure. Am I still unsure of jobs and futures and other things? Absolutely. But seriously? Why would I stop, when I know who He is and His love? Why would I be 'safe' when I could have what He wants me to?

Day one of BSSM is tomorrow. And I can hardly wait.

Here we go!
My beautiful housemates acting a wee bit goofy at the lake!
For those of you facebook-less I got some new hair for a new season. ;)