An Anchored Boat Still Sways

Full of anticipation. Full of frustration. Full of hope and curiosity. Full of mind bending questions. Full of motivation and focus. Exhausted, tired and unable to concentrate. Anxious. Impatient with American Culture. Settled. Connected with the Father in a more intimate way. Focused on being present here. Head stuck in the clouds dreaming about my future. Full of grace. About to fly off the handle if one more person talks ill about the Middle East. Inspired. Unable to express what's inside. Discontent. Full of delight in the smallest of things. 

The last few weeks have been a slew of emotions. It's been a concentration of opposing feelings and experiences contending for my energy, vying for my heart and mind. There's been a tension that I've not experienced in quite a long time. Not just a tension between what I'm experiencing in my current season and what's to come. It feels like there's a tension in so many areas as God is challenging my norms, almost pushing me into more. He's drawing me away from what I've become comfortable with. I feel it in my personal life with relationships, in my hope and anticipation for a future family, my finances, within my capacity emotionally. There is a tension between where I currently am, what I currently have and what's to come. 

In the midst of this at times it's hard to not feel like I'm completely losing it. Things that didn't used to bother me suddenly do, because suddenly there's a higher standard present. Things that I had never thought about before seize my heart and stir my passions. Yesterday I sat at my piano for the first time in months and played like I haven't played in years. It feels like there is no part of me that's being left untouched. There's a drawing in my heart for whatever it is that God has for me next, and yet I'm working harder than ever to protect that which He's already given me. 

Tension is a subject that I just can't seem to get off of. There's no doubt in my heart that I've already internally started the transition from where I currently am to where I'll end up overseas. But I'm determined to do it right. I'm determined to steward what I have currently with grace and kindness, serving with all of my best and yet pursue hard after the future God has for me with passion and tenacity. But in the midst, there's always this tension and in the midst of the tension it's hard to feel like maybe I'm not stable in some way, that I'm messing up and not doing my best.

But today as I started writing...it dawned on me. It's a simple truth but it struck me. Even if a boat is anchored, it still sways in the waves. That doesn't make the boat any less secure than what it is. 

Beliefs really are the most powerful weapon we have. It's our beliefs that cause our actions, our beliefs that turn into words and lifestyles. So in the midst of my transition, in the midst of the constant, conflicting emotions and thought processes I will work on this one thing that anchors us more than anything else; my beliefs. He is faithful. I am a good daughter. I will make good choices. I will position myself well. And as His child, I am set up to go from glory to glory. 

No matter how crazy this stage of life turns out to be, it will be deeper and richer with Him. It will be full of His goodness. No matter how big the decisions and the conflicting emotions, no matter how big the bill is I am firmly anchored, swaying in the waves. If you're walking through transition or feel the this kind of tension today, remember that you are anchored. Protect your beliefs and be kind. 

The Truth about Iraq

It seems funny to me. While I was in Kurdistan I wrote so much, processing through my emotions and documenting everything so that I wouldn't forget. But every time I sit down to write now that I'm state-side I just end up staring at the screen. I want to tell you everything, and warning: it may all come gushing out at once.

I want to tell you about how beautiful Northern Iraq is; about the green fields, the refreshing rains, the strong storms rolling in over the mountains. I want to tell you about the taste of the garlic yogurt in the schwarmas, the tahini sauce, dried fruits and the vegetables that you can buy for practically nothing. I want to tell you about the sounds; the call and its eerie beauty, the local, indigenous instruments and the tone of the voices being manipulated like only an amazing Middle Eastern voice can do. 

But more than anything I want tell you about the people:

First there are the gentle and kind Yazidis; their families so vitally important to them. I have never been so automatically welcomed anywhere. These beautiful people, like so many others, were forced to flee their homes on the Syrian border and relocate where they had nothing. While there is, of course, much sadness there is also much joy in their families. They are a beautiful example of the strength of community and the value of making home be wherever you are with those you love.

Then there are the Children who are outrageously beautiful. They're with me so often in my thoughts and my heart. How simple it was to be loved by them, and to fall in love with them. They didn't care that I couldn't speak with them, they just wanted to be loved, to play just like any child does. Oh how I pray that they can remain children, with innocent hearts away from any bitterness that would want to destroy them. I always love kiddos no matter where I go, but there was just something special about the children of this region.  

We fell in love with the women in one of the camps who have seen and experienced more than most Westerners even have a grid for. As I held the hand of one mama who lost her son in an absolutely barbaric way I was overwhelmed at just how strong each one of them in the room really was. Everyday they live with pain that I cannot even begin to fathom and they are still running households, raising children and making a new life for themselves since they've fled. That day they also opened up to us in such a way that left each of us so undone at the honor it was to know such deep parts of their hearts. These muslim women were beautiful and I often find myself recounting the time I got to spend with them.

And then there are the Kurds. Hospitable, protectors, gracious. There wasn't a moment that I felt unsafe. While I know the location of where I was, I was amazed over and over again at the kindness of the people we encountered. Always wanting to know where I was from, asking me any questions they could think of in english and welcoming me over and over again. "You like it here?" one woman asked me in a shop one day. "Yes! Very much so!" I replied, without having to think about it. With a wide, proud smile she looked at me, almost amazed that I would say such a thing. She then proceeded to sell me 2 cokes, 2 candy bars and a bottle of water for  $1.90 which definitely made my day.

These are just a few of the people I got to meet. I could tell you about so many others. One thing I wrote when I was in Iraq was this: "What we see and experience we are then responsible for." While I definitely know that not everyone is called to travel to places like this, it doesn't help anyone at all to be ignorant of the way things actually are. In this way I feel that I must share. The people of this region are beautiful. They are also in great need. What has happened to them at the hands of the Islamic State is absolutely outrageous. I was only in country for a week and the amount of stories that I heard was overwhelming.

But what can you do? You live here and they live there. Trust me, I get that. A lot of evenings I spend wondering what I, myself can actually do. 

First of all: just be aware. When we were in Kurdistan the acts against the Yazidi people was officially deemed a genocide. Were you aware of that? A genocide in our generation? On our time? It's far too easy to get so caught up in Western, first-world "problems" that really are not problems at all. Please hear this out of the kindest part of my heart, but get over it! Wear the green shirt instead of the blue shirt. In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter? Point your energy to things that really have meaning. That's the best place to start.

Second of all, allow your heart to be soft towards the region. It is far too easy to group everyone from the Middle East into one evil box. I like to say it this way, God has not given up on this region, and so we don't have permission to give up on it either. Every time I go to the region I hear over and over again about people who have had dreams of Jesus and that is what lead them to following Him. He clearly is not done working showing up there, so we cannot allow our hearts to be hard towards a region that the Father's heart is soft towards. Don't allow anger, ignorance and disillusionment shape how you speak about the region. Ask God for His heart. I promise, His heart is tender like a Father for these people. I feel it all the time.

Pray! Give! Go! Pray for the region, for those you know who live there or have a heart for there. Give funds in strategic places for the aid of people, refugees, etc. Only 2% of all missions funding goes to this region. If you feel like you have a heart for the region or want to get a feel of how you can help, then go! Light shines brightest in the darkness, after all.

Lastly, say "NO" to fear. So much of the issue in the West is fear. If people wouldn't be so afraid, more people would be willing to go and be a help, to serve, and to send others, most likely a lot of issues may be solved. Fear also is a key feeder of anger, frustration and anxiety. If any of these is an immediate reaction towards the region, you may want to be looking at what is causing it. (hint, it's actually fear!) Say "Yes" to Love. Simply put, hard to actually do.

If this was a massive guilt trip for you that wasn't my intent. I just must tell you about who people actually are in the region because I am now responsible for what I've experienced and seen. I must tell you about how they are the kindest, most hospitable people who want to sit and talk to you about what you believe, where you're from, etc. I want to tell you About how they're never in a hurry and actually genuinely care that you're there with them. These are the people of Kurdistan. Aren't they lovely?