update of a very full life...

This Update has been overdue for many, many months. To my friends, family and church specifically those in Iowa, I apologize for how concise this needs to be, but it is an update nonetheless. I remind you that you can email, call or text any time if you'd love to catch up! :) I will put you on my schedule!

Some "facts from Lara's Life" bullet points for you:

-I'm in my 2nd year at BSSM here in Redding, California. I am absolutely loving it and getting challenged to the core. This year is focused intensely on leadership training. 

-In January I will have been living in Redding for 2 years! Feels just like yesterday that my nervous little self got in my car and made the 29 hour journey over the mountains by myself. 

-I currently work 25-30 hours every week at Target. I'm in charge of the cosmetics department and really love the detail work that includes. (thankfully)

-My current schedule of life is 4:00am-11:15 work, then off to school until around 6:00pm. It's full, but I really do enjoy it. That is a HUGE change from last year and something I thank God for every day. While I would love to not keep this crazy schedule all year long, it's my honor to work and do school in this environment. 

-I help Brenda VanWinkle once a week because unfortunately that's all my schedule allows for currently. I would love to help her more as she continues to press in for Ireland.

-Every Monday night I take Arabic class through the church here in Redding. Such a beautiful language.

-I am currently filing paperwork to become a part of World Indigenous Missions. This way I will be under a covering, family-wise, prayer-wise, and financially-wise by the time I am ready to make missions and ministry my profession vocationally. They are an amazing organization and you should look them up! :)

-Next week my parents will be here in Redding for a visit! I'm SO very excited! :)

-I still love coffee (just seeing if you're still reading)

-The week after Thanksgiving I will be traveling to Texas with one of our pastors at the Church to be on their ministry team. It is a huge honor to be one of six picked for this trip. For those of you who gave towards my tuition, THANK YOU! This is part of our tuition this year, and I so appreciate that. It's going to be a blast!

-I'm not 100% sure I will be home for Christmas yet. Tickets are PRICEY! yikes. But if I was home I would squeeze all of your necks!

-In March of next year I plan on traveling to Turkey for a missions trip for 10 days. We will be serving in Izmir in an international church, serving them however we can. We will have the honor of coming alongside of some missionaries there and the people who minister to the Turkish people every day. We will also perhaps get to serve some Syrian Refugees in the area (which is what my heart beats for). This trip will cost $2200 for those of you asking that question.

-After falling in love with the Middle East even more last year in Lebanon, it is SUCH a joy to travel back to the area and to Turkey where so much of the New Testament occured. The leader of my trip is someone I consider an Apostle of the region and it is my honor to learn from her. 

-I have the honor of taking a class here next semester for long-term missions here at Bethel Church.

-Brenda will be traveling to Ireland next Spring for about 6 weeks. It is my hope to join her at some point in that 6 weeks to travel with her, and add support so she isn't by herself. The last time we went over plane tickets were about $1000 plus food and lodging, etc, for those of you asking that question again.

-If all goes as planned, I will be traveling to Texas after graduation to do my W.I.M. training at their head quarters. 

-I'm looking for someone who illustrates children's books, specifically birds. I'm trying to get one together before next Summer and have no idea how to do so. 

-I am so super honored to be serving Iris Ministries every week and have been learning so many powerful things and truths that I have been tucking away for the future. 

-I have begun the process of looking for a new vehicle. We've figured out that with as much as we've put into it, it's no longer the best investment, that being said, I'm a LONG way to being able to purchase a new(er) car and it's been in my heart a long time to be able to give this one away to someone I've had in mind for a long time. 

-Life is beautiful, I've never experienced the depths of His peace, and love and presence like I have in this season.

-Yes, I'm still single. ;) I know someone was asking or thinking it. 

-I am blessed with the most amazing family in the world: shout out to all of you. Mom, Dad, Jb, Carla, Noah, Mussie and Greta. Tim, Kim and Alena. Matt and Ilona. I really, absolutely couldn't do anything without them and their support.

Just as a reminder, my email is larahochstetler@gmail.com. If you mail me I'll get you my number, address or whatever else you need to stay in touch! I love you all and am so honored to know you. I hope this helps you feel more 'connected' with all that's going on in my life! Bethel Menno, an update is coming soon!

Peace and Many Blessings,

Lara

We are never powerless: choosing our response.

       So realistically at this point with 30+ hours of work and full-time school and homework, I cannot possibly get mad at myself for not posting much as of late. However, I do want you, whoever you are, to still feel connected to my life in some way so...here it is! Sometimes I write things and they mean nothing to me, and sometimes I write and have no idea what I'm writing until I come back to it and it challenges me to my core. This was one of those things. This is from some of my homework for school this year. I wrote it for a book report, and I wanted to share it with you. It seems like a lot of people I talk to in my life are walking through this. To choose joy and hope inspite of not seeing our promises come true is one of the hardest, yet essential things we do as believers. I hope that you will join me on this journey as we learn to live well and full of His LIFE.

"God is creating a way for you to be complete, not lacking anything. Your job in this season is to grab hold of hope and not let go! Like a farmer who labors to produce a crop, your joy lies in the hope of the harvest to come.
"We have to appoint ourselves as the keeper of our lives and the protector of our hearts. We choose our moods, actions and belief systems; therefore, we are powerful enough to change them!" (Supernatural Power of Forgiveness, Kris and Jason Vallotton)
        

        So for me, at this point in my life these 2 quotes go together. Something I'm walking through at the moment, and I think will continue to walk through is, what we do with the promises The Lord has given us that have not yet come to pass? How do we posture our heart when it genuinely hurts to pray for something that we honestly don't want to pray anymore for? How do we choose hope in the moments when our hearts are sick because of hope deferred? At times I think that I have walked through things thinking that I couldn't have 'fullness' of joy until I saw that thing I had hoped for fulfilled. But I'm finding more and more that if I live with that mindset it makes me powerless. That if I am dependent on that promise happening to live in fullness of joy than my joy is then dependent on my circumstances, and not on the very one that is my source of joy.
        Realistically, I think that sometimes it's much easier to just blame circumstances for internal hurts. I think it's easier to find fault in other people, on their actions or lack thereof. But this second quote says it all. We are the keeper of our hearts and lives. We actually have been empowered by the Holy Spirit to choose how we respond to things. And we have been given the ability to walk through pain, not denying that it's there, but choosing joy, and peace in spite of the pain. It's an act of worship, I think. I was just today faced again with an ongoing situation in which in my mind I feel I have the right to choose offense, but instead I have chosen to choose joy, not because my pain doesn't exist, but because I know that it's actually a healthy way to protect my heart, and those around me in my life. Basically, I want to move into a place where I am complete, where I have ownership for my life and I have the ability to hold onto the promises, keeping my heart healthy and full of hope at the same time.

        Something I have been walking through as of late is this: I have set my heart on Him. I am determined, that no matter what, no matter what God does or 'doesn't' do for me, I will never withhold myself from Him. When we learn to move past our offenses and choose to worship Him instead, it always makes us powerful. I have determined within me that no matter how tired, how frustrated, how broken I 'feel', He is and always will be worth all of my attention, and all of my affections...and that my friends has filled me with more hope, steady joy, passion and energy than ever before. It really is our choice, our powerful, free choice of how we respond to Him. And while I have a LONG way to go, hope builds every day, making it worth the sacrifice that it is most days.

God bless you on your journey to becoming whole, and realizing that He wants us to be full of life, and life abundantly. He is for us, and not against us. Will we choose to live in that reality today?

L

                                       

A small Challenge...

This past week one day in worship I was struck by how often I live out of awareness of the fact that Jesus has risen from the dead. That there is fullness of victory over everything He died on the cross for; sickness, pain, sin, death, sorrow, seperation, depravity, poverty, and lack in general. 

Would I, living in full awareness fear poverty, lack of energy, hoplessness, or anything ever again? Would I ever choose fear over peace? Would I ever choose to feal overwhelmed over stopping and staring Him in the face instead?

I really would like to think the answer to all of those questions would be an overwhelming, NO! That, to choose those things actually would be maddness. 

So why do I, and why do SO many Christians choose to live in this perpetual state of unbelief? Why do we choose to live in this place of powerlessness that takes the air right out of our 'holy ghost' tires? I have a few concepts, and would love to hear yours, but for now I have the keyboard. 

Something that went through my mind on Monday was that I feel like so many Christians don't want to live completely empowered. I don't know how to explain it, but the more I'm alive, the more I'm realizing that it's way easier to live when you don't have to take any responsibility for your faith. When you live in denial of the fact that His blood did pay for EVERYTHING, you don't really have to do much. But when you fully believe that you are, in essence, responsible to live as a representation of Jesus' victory it's all or nothing. I'm not talking about weird, false pressure, look-at-me sort of stuff but I am talking about the fact that I am here to make Jesus famous in ALL that I do, and my life had better reflect that. 

The more you see of Him, the more you want to give yourself completely to Him. And the more that you do that, it seems, the more that is required of you. He doesn't just want part, after all, He's looking for everything.

I'm finding, sadly, that a lot of people don't want to take responsibility for all that Jesus called us to as His followers. And sadly, in many places, we are leaving the world wanting. Because this world, She really wants Jesus.

I came accross a quote today that reiterrated this, and has been messing me up every time I reread it. It's what I want as the anthem of my life. And it's what I challenge every one of my beautiful brothers and sisters to as we try to represent Him to the world. Let's not give them a Jesus who is dead, but THE Jesus who is fully alive, and wanting to meet each one of their needs fully-mind, soul AND body. Let's not give them part of the gospel, let's not give them the cross; let's give them the fullness, the Jesus who has risen, and the saints who are living and acting accordingly. 

"This lifestyle thrives on the impossible. Our delight is seeing the impossiblities of life bend their knee to the name of Jesus over and over again. Those who encounter Him on this level are much more prone to take risks so that miracles would happen. The absence of the supernatural is intolerable. When you consider the amazing provision of The Lord for those who surrender all, powerlessness becomes inexcusable."

Embracing Process

"Except when you don't. Because, sometimes, you won't."

I hate when I don't make adequate time to write. Especially blog. So much has happened in the past few weeks that I found myself thinking, "I want to blog about that! Oh, no I want to blog about that!" multiple times. This causes me to sit at my computer and generally just think about mush when I actually do make time to write. So today I made time to write...and this is the only thing I can think about. Actually, it started this morning. It was 5am at Target and I just got done running a repack all the way to the other end of the store. I was walking back to my department to continue pushing my freight and this phrase started running through my head over and over again.

This line comes from one of my favorite children's books. It was the book I got the first day I started kindergarten. It was the book I reread at high school graduation and cried because although I obviously had no idea at the time exactly the places God would take me, the Spirit within leapt at the thought that there could be more, and that I could actually have it. The premise of the book is that there are amazing places that each person is going to go. Amazing things that will happen, all in due time. That we will move mountains and see things in our lifetime that we can't even imagine.

This phrase is sprinkled in. "Except when you don't. Because, sometimes, you won't." Just looking at this phrase I kind of wondered, "Lord, why this phrase?" Just looking at it makes you feel a bit defeated. It makes you wonder why you failed. This morning it was bouncing around in my head, not in a sad tune as you might imagine, but rather in a happy, bouncy tune. Now, call it lack of sleep, or just plain the strange way my brain works, but this phrase made hope and passion rise up inside of me.

If there's one thing I constantly struggle with, one thing that i wish we didn't have to do-it's process. I realized at the beginning of this Summer that this one little word had almsot become my least favorite word/meaning in the english language. I've spent almost my whole life trying to become this person that seemed so far off from my reality that the concept of loving process just seemed like such a contradiction to what was possible. Fact is, God loves process. He loves the journey. He loves us at every stage just like parents love their children at every stage. So why do we hate process so very much?

I was liberated this morning when this little phrase danced around my head because I think that when we fall, when we have moments when we 'don't' and when we have moments when we 'won't'; when we have moments in our process that we would deem faliures, it actually gives us moments that we can turn into momentum. It causes opportunities to create a deeper relationship with God. I don't know how to explain it, but the history that we get to create with The Lord in moments like this is so precious to His heart. The fact that even in 'failures' i get to choose relationship and I get to take on what God thinks of me releases joy and such blessing, it's unexplainable.

It's in those 'except when you don't. Because sometimes, you won't" moments that we get to see His strength in our weakness and praise Him for it. It's in those moments that you have deeper revelations of His grace, His strength, His power, His goodness, His mercy, His compassion, etc. And it leaves you wanting to be a better person, not because of how bad you are, but because of how drawn by His goodness you are. They are special opportunites, these moments when you've come to the end of you're own earthly power and realize that you are a part of something much greater, much bigger than yourself.

Embrace these moments. Embrace and love this process. It is so not about having everything in order. It's all about coming under HIS order. It's so not about you getting everything right, but being humbled under HIS rightness so that you can become His righteousness.

"Except when you don't, because sometimes you won't." What beautiful moments to create precious, intimate times with Him. What beautiful moments to see yourself/your situations as He sees them. Not moments to be frustrated at your process, but to celebrate the deeper, more intimate connection you're getting to have because of them. Just another weapon to destroy the works of the enemy. Causing what we used to deem 'failure' as greater opportunity for deeper relationship. Wow. Can't think of anything more disarming or liberating.

So go for it! Because, really in the arms of the one you can trust. What can you lose? "Oh, the Place You'll go!"

Fall and what comes along with it...school

Well, the Halloween candy is set at Target, fall cosmetic shades are being stocked, and pumpkin spice lates will soon be tempting me every time I drive past a Starbucks. Yes, fall is here and along with it school and all of the busy-ness that seems to come simultaneously.

For me, one week from today I will have the honor of starting my 2nd year at the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry here in Redding, Ca. I say honor, because the honor really is mine. Sure, I will walk out next spring having learned and experienced so much. And no doubt I will learn more in one year than a seemingly longer period elsewhere. But the honor really is mine. To sit under this calober of teaching. To go to a church where so much is happening. Where miracles and signs and wonders are just a natural part of the DNA. A church where on any given Sunday I go and meet people from nations all over the world. Where I look around and there are doctors, former gang members, teachers, the homeless. People from every walk of life in a glorious, beautiful mess...people who are passionate about The Lord and making Him known.

This year of school is so different for me. Last year as I walked into 1st year I had no idea what to expect. I had no expectations. I literally went to 1st year out of obedience to The Lord. In my mind I was done with school. I wanted to go DO something. But The Lord had other plans and it is safe to say that I learned things about my life, my future, that I would have never learned had I not been there. 2nd year is different. As I walk in next week I feel that I have a very clear picture of what I'm going after, what I hope to see. I'm sure God will change some or all of that because that's kind of how I operate with Him. But I am so excited to see all that awaits me there.

This blog is to serve as an update for those who care to know...
-I start 2nd year next week, September 3rd.
-2nd year is designed to do more leadership develop, offering more leadership opportunities, including the chance to travel with pastors from the church here.
-in 2nd year there's more freedom to choose more focused classes on specific things.

I believe part of this year includes for me:
-gaining vision for future ministry including a vision for what my role is in the Middle East of just in general.
-opportunity to make connections with people all over the world that I will be working alongside for years to come.
-learning as much as I can from leadership here, more of an opportunity to connect and glean from them.
-chances to lead worship again and hopefully travel to speak, etc.
-beginning to learn Arabic.

Other things I have going on:
-helping in a ministry that works overseas in Ireland. Being as involved in this as I can.
-working 30 hours at Target, one evening a week at a bakery to subsidize.
-in the process of joining a missions board so that when I'm out of school I am covered and ready to begin in the area of my life.

So yes, this is what's going on. Life is very full, but very good. I would love if you would pray that I get everything out of this year of schooling as I possibly can and everything that I'm supposed to. Pray that work wouldn't be overwhelming for me, that The Lord would provide pockets of time and energy to develop deep, strong relationships. And that when its His timing I would be able to step out of work and into ministry as a vocation.

I am still in the process of raising funds for school. It is my dream that school would be paid by day 1. This way I wouldn't have to worry at all, and I would immediately be able to start traveling (a certain portion of our tuition goes to traveling).

Thank you so much for loving me and standing with me in prayer. If you do feel like you would like to give towards tuition I would so appreciate it. Thank you for partnering with me in whatever way The Lord leads.

Much love,
Lara

To give:
Go to ibssm.org, on the bottom click on "give to tuition" type my name in. Push give towards tuition. Or you can send a check to Bethel Church ATTN: BSSM Tuition 933 College View Drive,  Redding, CA  96003 and put a note in with my name.

We are not, nor can we be forgotten.

We all have moments of weakness. Moments when we take our eyes off of The Lord, off of all that He's done for us, all that He is. Last night I found myself in one of those moments. I found my myself journaling and in one instance wrote the following line, "papa God, please don't forget me."

This, of course made me stop. How could God ever forget me? Why was I believing the lie that He could forget me? And what was making me feel that way? You see, we have a choosing to make when we recognize that there is a lie in our minds that is winning over the truth. We have a choice to make; believe the lie and listen to our emotions, or replace the lie with the truth and no matter what the emotions or feelings, believe that truth.

Last night, feeling like I was forgotten by The Lord was the lie that was trying to gain ground in my mind and heart. It would have been really easy to look into my life and find proof to support that lie. I could have found ground to justify my feelings. But instead, I went looking for the truth. And I didn't have to look far.

I first went to the 'fear nots' of Isaiah.
Isaiah 41:10 "fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
41:13 "for I, The Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, 'fear not, I am the one who helps you.'"
43:1-2 "but now thus says The Lord, he who created you, o Jacob, he who formed you, o Israel; 'fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you will not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you."
54:4-5 "fear not, for you will not be ashamed; be not confounded for you will not be disgraced; for you  will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood, you will remember no more. For your Maker is your husband, The Lord of hosts is his name; and the holy one of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth He is called."

After Isaiah I was reading a book assigned for 2nd year and there was this quote: "We should live in such perfect love (with The Lord) that we could not even imagine His failing us or forgetting us."

Next The Lord reminded me of this thought of Jesus:
"Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfect of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:2) I can't think of anyone who had more grounds to feel 'forgotten' by the father. Carrying the sins of the world, dying AS sin even though He knew no sin. And yet He did it, and why? Because of the joy set before Him. That joy is me. That joy is you.

Needless to say, I repented of feeling forgotten and I've changed the way that I think. We are locked in His slight, we are before His gaze. We just need to remind ourselves of that. As we press in to go deeper in relationship with Him, we will have to remind ourselves of that even more. He does not abandon us, He does not set us up to fail, and He cannot possibly forget about us. If you find yourself here, in the place where it would be easy to prove the point that The Lord has somehow forgotten you, I can tell you with great confidence that He has not. He cannot. He is love, and love does not reject, does not neglect, and does not forget how to love.

You are not forgotten.


L

I woke up this morning of news that proved this. It is an amazing testimony of Gods goodness yet again. He hears our cries and our prayers and knows exactly what we need and when we need it.

A little note to some world changers: A few of my thoughts from Camp.

Oh Goodness...
Life is brilliant and there are moments, little pockets of time that make you acutely aware of this fact. If I ever doubt that serving God is the most amazing, joyful adventure ever I really only need to remember last week and I am 100% sure that doubt will go away.

If any of you know me, you know that I love camp. I don't really love TO camp, but I love camp ministry so, so very much. It's such an amazing opportunity to have the full attention of youth, to pour your heart out into people you may never see again, and to watch God literally transform lives within a weeks notice, or within a moments notice, for that matter. The King of all camps, as far as I'm concerned, is High School camp. Because if a 14-18 year old is giving up a whole week, no cell phone, no tv, no sports or work for a whole week in the prime time of freedom...you know they are serious about growing in the Lord. Which totally sets them up to see amazing things. God loves to encounter the hungry. And if I've ever seen a group of hungry 'kids' (sorry yall, that's what you are to me now) it was last week.

It all started a few months ago, when the Lord really began to stir in my heart about camp this year. After having been involved in some way at Bible Memory for 15 years I was super bummed last year that I wasn't able to be at any camps. Looking at finances and circumstances it seemed the same was going to be again for me this year. That is, until some very amazing people stepped up big and displayed the extravagant nature of God for me. To say I was excited would be an understatement. I literally ran around my deck yelling quite passionately.


But....this blog is not about me....
This blog is about the most amazing people on the face of the planet. The people that reminded me, once again, why I am alive. The people who are not going to be world changers, but already are. This blog is about the 127 campers from BMC Indiana High School Camp. I woke up yesterday and realized that I missed all of you. As I sit typing this I am weeping at how proud I feel, at how honored I am to have spent a week with you. I think I speak on behalf of all of the staff that were present last week in saying that we cannot explain how much we are certain that what began in you last week will never be stopped.

Your willingness to go where the Lord was leading last week, even if you had never experienced it before was so fun to watch. Your hunger, your passion, your humility, and your love for God and the Word makes me extremely aware that there are very good things ahead not only for you, but the people the Lord puts in your life. If you continue to press into Him, to seek out the truth in the Word, and to live the full gospel of Christ out in your life you are in for the ride of your lives!

Never forget that Christ died that you may be filled with the fullness of Him, with the fullness of His Spirit, and with power. Power to serve in every area of your life. So that the Blind will see, the deaf will hear, and so that there may be freedom for those held in bondage. You are filled with the same power that raised Christ Jesus from the grave...so what can't you do? What is impossible for the God that lives inside of you and that wants to be released through YOU to the people around you? Nothing. And I am so excited that so many of you came to this realization last week.

Where will He take you? I am so excited to see the journey He takes you on in the next years of your life as you submit everything to Him. Salvation is free, but the Kingdom will cost you everything. And it is oh, SO worth it. If you are not a camper and you're reading this, let me talk to you for a second. I know that we live in dark and troubled days. I know that things are happening everywhere that are hard and evil and unjust. But let me tell you something...as I stood before each of these last week I can honestly say that the Lord is totally winning. It's not even close. Things are getting lighter, getting better at the same time. And I will not be swayed from my position in that thinking. These 127 are my proof. God has a solution....and I know what their faces look like. They are brilliant. They are coming back to right focus...on a God who saves. On a God who loves. On a God who heals. On a God who cares. On a God who doesn't care about denominational traditions, boundaries, or men's egos. On a God who just wants to passionately pursue people with the help of us, His church. On a God who has already won, and wants us to win too.

'Kids' you've got it. Run. Keep your eyes locked on the Author of your faith. Keep your focus up on Him, establishing His kingdom everywhere you go. We're so excited for you....but it's yours to take and run with. What do you want to see happen this year?

-Focus-

-Lara-

My Song of Redemption

This lover of my soul has looked at me and said yes. He's said yes, and this yes completely destroys my defenses, shatters my walls. Because His yes? It wasn't just said over His shoulder in passing, being lost into the airwaves. No...His yes was said face to face.

My life stopped. The yes, it shaped a turning in my life. It resounded in eternity. That moment that I said yes to Him, and Him to me, has shaped every moment since then, and my life reflects the yes. I live in anticipation of the yes, in celebration of the yes, and in full awareness of what this yes means. 

Ah, but He was the instigator. Even while my life and heart and mind screamed No and hurled rejection in His face, His kindness calmly whispered yes in my ear, even in my darkest moments. He was not wavered by my neglect of Him, at my obvious abuse of His compassion. He was always there, hovering and waiting in joyful anticipation of the day I would whisper through the strength I could muster through my tears, a quiet, 'yes.' 

Louder and louder my yes has become! With new mercies every day fueling my fire. His joy has unlocked my voice and I sing my song of redemption from the rooftops. I live expectant and aware that He longs to continue to say yes to me, for He cannot resist His children. And there is a passion and excitement building in me to see others finally get it as well. And if I have the honor,  to usher them into their own Yes.

Beautiful. Beautiful one. Irresistable. Undeniable. Unexplainable. Joyful. Hopeful. Great. All that's good. We cannot stay away from you. You have captured our hearts. One day, all that see you will turn their hearts, and their affections, and with their whole hearts will say, YES!

-L-

Peace and Freedom

There's a sweet ecstasy when you realize you're thinking about absolutely nothing because you're aware that you don't need to. When you're aware of God's peace because it's so captured your heart and you give your mind over to it. 

Peace that passes understanding, what a beautiful thing. What a glorious, marvelous thing. There's almost nothing that leaves me aware of Him more than when I should not be feeling joy, and that's what I'm feeling. When I know that I should be feeling sad and instead I've never felt more alive. When I should be scared and yet one word from Him silences my fears. When I want answers to questions I've had for years and yet a simple, "It will be ok, Lara" from Him is totally fine with me.

Peace that calms raging seas.

Because, have you ever truly stopped and thought about the implications of the fact that Jesus didn't stay in the grave? I often find myself getting to the cross, but forget to truly experience the resurrection! I mean, really...have you thought about it? Like, sat and allowed yourself body, soul and spirit to be completely wrecked by it? I'm almost undone every time.

Because Jesus didn't stay dead, we now live FROM victory, not searching FOR it! It's already over! We just now have to live not only aware of it, but transformed by it! I don't know...it's just good news that I cannot possibly get over, and hope I never EVER do!

There's something that clicks inside of you when you realize exactly what Jesus still being alive means. There's something even more powerful that happens when you realize that the SAME power that rose Jesus from the dead now LIVES inside of you! That. Is. Crazy.

I'm pretty sure that when Jesus walked out of the tomb, He was laughing.

And I'm pretty sure that when we are aware of these implications, of Jesus being alive, we will live and walk in freedom and in peace.



Freedom, it tastes so sweet, it feels like life undiluted.
Freedom, you've raptured me, captivating my mind till I'm paralyzed in joy.

Oh, there's nothing left to fear, no worries, not a care when I'm standing here with you. 
You've taken over me, completely over me, and I am finally set free. 

Mysteries

It really has been too long once again. And once again I am lacking the creative touch that I feel is needed to start these random musings. But I feel that a blog is due before my trip to the other side of the world. I leave for Lebanon in 4 days. I am beyond excited. If I could leave right now, I would go without a suitcase, I'm that ready. But alas, 3 days of work, 2 days of school and a list to get done as long as a yard stick still stand in my way. And so I've been working extremely hard to focus the last few days. To focus on not getting my suitcase out, to not allow my mind to go to the endless things I think I have to remember or I will die (after 2 weeks? What has Westernism done to my brain!) 
But most of all I've been focusing really hard (which I need to do at all times) on getting every single gem I can out of this week. I would hate to miss a jewel, a treasure that The Lord has hidden for me here and now because I'm too focused on the there and then of the next season. Oh, how often am I guilty of that?! And let me tell you, since this has been my focus, I have had some of the most precious moments with The Lord. The most precious that I've had. 

Really, I didn't write to write about any of that (surprise!). I did, however want to share some thoughts I quickly jotted down today during worship. It was such a rich time and I just wanted to challenge you with it. It's core to who I am, and I'm telling you, it's truth. 

-By embracing and being excited about the mysteries of God, the things not understood, you are declaring the mightiness of God and opening yourself up to receive the beautiful things that are unknown to those who are constantly in need of an explanation. Sometimes you just have to say 'no' to needing to understand everything and say 'yes' to an all-knowing, all-powerful God that created you before the world knew of you. The highest form of trust you can show Him is to stand in the midst of a situation that makes no sense and worship as if you do. I have a high value for reason and thinking- i love to strategize and find new things, but I run into the mysteries of God. There has been nothing else that leaves me in awe of His vastness more than seeing something from Him that makes no sense to me but speaks of His glory. When I run into Him and make Him my complete focus and lay down my need to understand, I find that it puts me in a position where I let Him be my reason. He can show me how and what to think. I think that too often we miss what God is doing because we are expecting something specific and God is doing or saying something else. When we are growing in deeper and more intimate relationship with him we should constantly be in situations where we are learning something new from and about him. I worry if we feel that we have Him figured out. He is a beautiful, creative, fun, good God that loves to talk and meet with His kids. I pray that we can rediscover that more and more as we grow in awe of Him. 

"There's no place I'd rather be, than here in your love, here in your love."

I think that's all for now. Goodnight from Redding-land. 
Lara

Absolutely No Less:

Blog. Blog. Blog. Blog.

I really have no way to creatively start blogs. It's just not an art that comes easily for me. But, I am feeling the need to write, perhaps a bit randomly, but definitely straight from my heart.

This past week has been a battle for me. Since being in Redding God has been challenging me in this phrase a lot: "Lara, become who you are fully. No more than you are, but absolutely no less." I've come to realize, just as i think every human is designed to realize, that without Him I am nothing, but with Him, really there are no limits. Even with all of the victories I've walked through, with all of the breakthrough I've seen both internally and externally I still finding myself sabotaging myself. I have no problem with the "no more than you are" part (in the wrong way, thinking less of ourselves is SO amazingly easy to do!) but I have a really hard time with the "but absolutely no less."

Absolutely no less:
I'm pretty sure that God has created us each to be amazing. To shine, and be the light of the world. To carry Him well, and to love extravagantly. Why is it then, that so many Christians walk around thinking that it's somehow a really bad thing to really shine? To really carry the love of God in an extravagant way that attracts people to Him? Why is it that we grow up thinking that if we truly believe in ourselves that somehow it's some terrible sin? One of our pastors really put it in perspective for me this week. He said, "Confidence operates out of the phrase, 'What can I give?' while arrogance operates out of the phrase, 'what can I get?' As long as you have that in perspective, go for it!" This helped voice something for me...

I know that I carry a strength and resilience that is very unique and that not everyone can say they have.  I can naturally do a lot for a 24 year old woman. But I also know that I am a little girl at heart. I love to wear pretty things, make up silly songs, giggle, hope for the impossible and dance and adventure through life. I have for so long, walked through life thinking that because I was one, I couldn't be the other. That if I was completely strong, that no one would like me because they would think I wouldn't need anything, that no guy would ever be gutsy enough to even attempt to break in to my life. But while it's true that I can do a lot on my own, I'm also fully aware that I love to be taken care of. I realized this week that I have full permission to be fully both. That just because I'm strong, doesn't mean that I'm not soft. And just because I'm soft, doesn't mean that I'm weak. My process of learning how to be 'absolutely no less than fully myself' has included figuring out that while I am fully a daughter, I am also fully aware of the strength the Lord has given me as a gift to carry with grace, intensity and extravagant love to the people of this world.

I don't know where I'm going with all of this except to say that I think it's time we started living up to our full potential. Not some strange, mustered confidence...but true reliance and confidence in the one who gave us the very things we have to offer the world. I just long for the day so much where the church realizes who she is, and what she has to offer the world. What is it that you have to give to the world? Why are you afraid to be fully who you are? I'd really encourage you to wrestle with that question. Because until you are at peace with who you are, I don't think you can fully give what God has given you to give. I don't believe that you'll truly be alive until you find joy in the life you've been given. I love who I am, I wouldn't ever want to be anyone else. And neither should you.

I know that for me, this week was life-changing. I'm so much more aware of who He's made me to be, and I know that He's given me permission to be all that I am in fullness with confidence. No more, but absolutely no less. And He's giving you permission too...will you take it?

Mother Theresa said it best: "We must never forget that we are bound toward perfection and should aim ceaselessly at it."

Blessings,
Lara

To Lebaonon and Beyond!

For those of you who are not on my email, address list here is my support letter! Thank you for considering investing in this amazing oportunity! :)

Dear Family and Friends,

 I've had the honor this year of going to the Bethel School of Ministry here in Redding, California something that I didn't plan on doing when I moved to California. I've written in my past emails that it is the best thing that I never knew I needed, and that is certainly true. As part of our school, we get to go on missions trips in the Spring apart from our tuition. At the time of choosing my missions trip I still had over a thousand dollars left to pay on my tuition here at school. As we were choosing missions trips, I was really tempted to pick trips that were only state-side, making them cheaper than international trips. While this would have been great, and ministry is so needed anywhere and in every context, after spending time with the Lord I realized I was choosing those out of fear, and not because I was feeling called to those places. Since being here the Lord has really been stirring my heart more and more for the nations. For probably the last 8 years or so I have been praying more specifically and feeling more drawn to the culture of the Middle East. I have fallen in love more specifically with the women of that culture and read a lot of their stories. Even though I have always had a desire to get to the Middle East, it has always been something that I viewed as far off, somewhere I would go when I was older and 'more experienced.' However, as I was reading through the mission trips choices, 3 of M.E. countries stood out to me. With faith, I chose the countries I felt like Holy Spirit was highlighting to me, not the countries that my bank account told me I could go to.

I love how God works...a week later my tuition got paid off in full, and a month later I found out that God wanted to turn a far off dream, into a reality today. March 29-April 12 I am planning on going to Lebanon with a group of 15 from the school. For those of you who don't have the Middle East memorized, Lebanon is the country in between Israel and Syria along the Mediterranean Sea. While in country, we will be partnering with a ministry that is already established in country called Tent of Praise to serve their vision in the area. We will be working to bring the love of God from the top of the Lebanon Mountain Range to the edge of the Mediterranean Sea, from villages to Universities. We will work to encourage the local churches, praying with them for breakthrough and also partnering with them in outreaches. We will also be doing street ministry and stepping out in faith to see amazing things happen in people's lives as they're touched by the love of God. And what better way to pray into both Syria and Israel than from the country that shares a border in one trip?

The heart and passion of the Bethel Mission Trips Department is to see the sons and daughters of God in all the nations awaken to His goodness and love. As children of Heaven, we have access to His Kingdom and demonstrate His love, glory, and power in all aspects of society. Their strategy is to raise up a generation of world changers in their own nations to begin to run with their God-given inheritance to bring heaven to earth and transform their nation. This trip, through Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (BSSM), ultimately reflects the vision of the Bethel Mission Trips Department and I am excited to have a part along with 1,100 of my classmates. :)

It is in great humility that I ask if you would like to partner with me once again to make this a reality. I am so excited already about what God is going to do. It is in my heart to see as many people in the world burning with realization of who they are and just how much God loves them. I am asking that you seek the Lord if and how you are to give, whether financially or through prayer. The trip altogether is $2645, and I need to raise at least $1445 by JANUARY 22nd in order to secure my plane ticket. Because of amazing people like you, I have already been able to raise $400 of that! THANK YOU! I will need to raise the remaining $1200 by February 26th. If you would like to give, just follow these instructions:

 

Financial gifts may be made online at https://missiontrips.ibethel.org. (this is tax deductible if needed) Go to 'Give today' and under 'Find a traveler' type student's  name, select it and fill out payment information. 

If online payment is not an option, check donations can be made payable to Bethel Church and mailed to the following address:  

Bethel Mission Trips Department

915 Twin View Blvd.,

Redding, CA 96003.  ( Please include a note with the donation designating which student’s trip 

you are supporting.) 

I also cannot tell you how much I value your prayers. I do realize very much the area I am walking into willingly and the dangers there are. I don't pretend to be naive, but I do know who God is, and I do know what kind of people are praying for me. The covering you create is too great to place a value on. I know that I (and probably my mother this time around) value your prayers very much. They are rich, and very felt. 

I know that an email cannot tell you all how excited I am for this trip. It feels like the beginning of something completely new for me. Thank you so much for how you've supported me as I travel to the near places and the not-so-near ones trying to be obedient, and to learn how to trust. While I don't know exactly how far He'll lead me, it is so comforting to know the support I have. Thank you for considering investing and partnering with what I know the Lord is doing in my life. My breakthroughs are always yours, and my blessings I pray will be given to you 100 times over. I love you all and will keep you updated on this great adventure of dreams coming true!

God bless!

Lara

(if you have any questions, my phone number is (319) 750-2385)

2013/2012 pondering and randomness

So those of you who know me best know that I love to dream. I love to think about what God can do, what's in my heart to do and what He's going to do that's 'better than I can even ask or imagine.' Well it's 13 days into 2013 and until last night I'd done none of that for this new year. That's pretty much unheard of in my world. I love to dream. I love to help other people dream, plan and create. So why the hod up this new year?
Of all the wild years, I think 2012 topped them for me. I never had as many surprises, twists and turns. I've never been so challenged both in good ways and in harder ways. I've laughed so hard, cried so deep, and everything in between. As I look back on my last year I don't even recognize the person who's sitting in this chair; or rather the person who was sitting in this chair a year ago. I've come a far  and yet I'm more fully aware more than ever of how far I have to go. 12 months ago I had just moved here, no idea really why except I heard 'go' and had an open door. 2012 has been a crazy ride.

Some of the highlights:
-moved to redding, ca
-had a job within 5 days of moving here
-got to go to Ireland for 9 days to pray and enjoy that beautiful land
-have the honor of helping one or my spiritual moms with her ministry
-the morning after asking The Lord for another source of income got called back for a second job
-completely reprinted a whole house, and had the joy of preparing it for its owner.
-had a dream that I should go back to school at a time when resources were quite low
-saw God provide for all of my schooling
-had the largest financial breakthrough of my life which enabled me to go home for Christmas to my family
-got word that I get to go on a missions trip to the Middle East this spring fulfilling a dream in my heart that almost no one knew about.
-had a week with my parents
-was physically healed of a 2 week long headache
-have had more dreams birthed in me this year than my whole life combined
-have had so many wonderful people come visit! :)
-get to go to school, specifically, revival group with some of the most amazing, radical, lovely people on the face or the planet from all over the planet.

S yeah, I'm sure I missed a whole bunch of things, but where do you start? I'm learning more and more about how to dream with passion and intentionality but also how to give those dreams back to The Lord and TRUSTING Him with them. (Go figure, it still has to do with trust) when we can lay down our rights to be in control of everything, it's amazing what He can do. I just really didn't think I wanted or needed to be in school but I'm so very glad that it happened. I'm so very glad that I was so wrong.

So what's this got to do with 2013? Or anything for that matter? I'm not 100% sure. I do have things I would love to see happen in the coming year. I have goals and hopes and dreams that are so crazy that unless I give them to God are downright impossible. Impossible. Previous years of my life I would have looked at this past year and said impossible. I want my life to be impossible. This happens by taking my life and completely placing it in His hands. More than anything I want to stay right at his feet. Taking what He gives me and putting it back under His control. Allowing Him to take me to places I never planned. I long for 2013 to be a year that I learn more and more how to pour myself outas a drink offering to Him. To allow Him to overcome me, to trust Him with my heart, and to give Him away to everyone that I meet.

Well, if that wasn't the most incongruent blog I've written I don't know what is.

Also, I apologize for mistakes, for some reason I can't go back and edit. :( weird.

Love you all!
-Lara