The Journey of Trust: Here we go!!

Deeep Breath.

Wow. What a wild ride. Never in my life have I known more deep within me that everything is about to change. Tomorrow is the first day of school and while I don't think that I'm nervous in the sense of 'will I fit in?' 'Will I make friends?' I am nervous because I know that what I have opened myself up to is going to change everything. In sooo many ways I'm beyond ready to start living the life I've always dreamed of. I've always longed to live in a way that risk is just my nature. To be so passionately sure of God's hand of love that I will jump knowing He will surely catch me. To envelope His love to those around me, and to walk in favor so that I may be a continual blessing to others body, soul and spirit.

One month ago, today was when I made the decision to attend the School of Ministry and I cannot believe that it is already here. In so many ways, the last month has been a complete and total dying to myself. I've always talked about that in concept, but now, I have seen a little taste of what it's been to walk through it. I almost see my life as a huge white board. For some reason, God has taken the eraser, scrubbed everything off and said, 'Let's see what we can do if you have this sort of mindset this year.' I know God, and I know that He wastes nothing, and values every single thing we walk through. But for me, this year the slate is clean. My heart keeps singing the question to me, "What can He do through one who is simply willing?" "What can He do through one who believes that He can do anything?" For some reason my heart dares to ask, "What could He do in me if I would really give Him a year to do whatever He would like to? None of my intentions, expectations, standards, or rules? How would I look if I simply took a year to learn how to love Him and love who He's made me? How transforming and shaping could this one surprise, crazy year be to my ministry for years and perhaps generations to come?"

Now, perhaps that seems a bit too large to some of you...but God told me to dream big this year and for my life, so that's what I will do. I refuse to put boundaries in my mind on what He can do this year. I refuse to miss a single thing because of a perception or past experiences. Every day I long to live and get the fullest reward. I will not hide behind my tiredness, my fear, my worry, my doubt, my 2 jobs, my introverted-ness, or anything else. I am a kid in a candy store this year, and God's 'flipping the bill.'

In the past month I have seen God do amazing things and it hasn't even started yet. Because of amazing people like yourselves I only have around $1100 left to raise for tuition...that's amazing! THANK YOU! And I will still be working my 2 jobs FOR NOW. I am believing the Lord for a creative way to make money so that hours will not be an issue and being too busy will not take anything away from school.

I have also been blessed with 2 of the most amazing roommates in the world! I truly believe that God has hand-picked each of us and I think this year will hold many amazing memories for each of us. I'm so looking forward to building relationships with these girls and for the joy that will be in our household. They have been amazingly gracious as the last few weeks I have been processing so much that it's pretty much just turned me just plain annoyingly goofy at moments. Anyways, I have been blessed with sweet, precious roommates and for that I am overly thankful.

As I stood in line today for over an hour getting registered I was amazed to think of how honored I am to be a part of this. At first, it was really easy for me to be a bit frustrated that God would ask me to go back to school. But now, I am overwhelmed at how lucky I am. To sit under teaching from people that have been walking with the Lord and have experienced miracles on a regular basis. To sit with peers from around the world, elders who have been in ministry for years and years, and younger passionate lovers is almost more than I can bare. I am outrageously humbled and once again crying at my computer...you'd think there'd be tear stains by now.

God is able to do what He'd like. But if you open up your heart to Him and commit to doing what He says, the ride is unbelievable. Am I still worried about finances? Sure. Am I still unsure of jobs and futures and other things? Absolutely. But seriously? Why would I stop, when I know who He is and His love? Why would I be 'safe' when I could have what He wants me to?

Day one of BSSM is tomorrow. And I can hardly wait.