Grace.

"Have I paid my dues just to be with you?"

There's a line from a song that is not spiritual by any means that is captivating my heart tonight. I'm sitting in a coffee shop pondering my life thus far. Contemplating and mulling over all that God's done for me, all that He's called me to do and be and how He equips us to do the seemingly impossible.

Now, I'm generally an extremely quiet person but at times my heart kind of explodes and my pen cannot write fast enough. Tonight is one of those nights so brace yourselves. :)

As I look over my life I see God's hands all over it. If I could sum it all up in one one word it would be grace. Being born into the family I was, at the time I was. I hated being a tag-along for most of my life but have begun to love it. Much wisdom was gleaned simply by watching and observing my siblings grow up. They have taught me much and I see each of them within me in different ways. My families on both sides are Godly, being born into this is only by the grace of God.

Being born in Iowa, into a Mennonite church family...while some would see this as secluded that verse in Psalms comes to mind-the one about God placing you up in a safe place, in the cleft of the rock comes to mind. Again...grace, to be set in such a safe place. Iowa provided me a safe place to grow and be nurtured. My church, the same.

As a child I was fearless; flipping myself headlong over the handle bars of bikes, skidding down hills on my knees while roller-blading, being used by my brothers as a target in a field to punt footballs to, and flipping over and over again on the trampoline. There was much grace knowing that I escaped childhood with only a broken collarbone.

Then I think of places like Alive Festival, where my parents and family started going when I was just 12. I was prolific in music before I even knew that I wanted to be. I could find a band to fit any one's tastes and at times skew peoples tastes in order for them to see value in music that was dear to me. (how else do you get your parents to listen to rap?) And while I started out extremely critical of music God's grace has led me to a place where I can literally put in any form of music (minus country, sorry JB, I just can't do it) and find the value and worth in it. To love and appreciate the people behind the music that are so desperately trying to get their sound out.

And then we have morals. I can honestly say that things that most teenagers go through, struggle with I haven't struggled with at all. It hasn't been a denial thing, I just haven't even been tempted by them. I can't explain it except this one word...grace. I looked at my peers and what things they were getting themselves into and wondered at it's appeal. And not because I was some flawless angel but because of the commitment I had made to God and the outrageous grace He had on my life. This stage of my life made me see that there was an aspect of grace that completely keeps us from situations. It's something I thank God for almost every day.

God has continually set me in a cleft and hidden me there. For what purpose? I'm sure we're about to find out. I have had the honor and privilege to meet some of the most amazing people; from Ted Dekker to Paul Baloche. I have sat under some of the most anointed teachers and nourishing Pastors. I now serve under one of my favorite Mamas. And why? This one word...grace. I cannot deny it.

From Iowa to Kansas, from Pennsylvania to Colorado His grace has ever been my anthem. From Indiana, Indonesia, Ohio and Oklahoma-it's been His grace sustaining me, keeping me, holding me in ways I cannot explain or even begin to fathom.

And now to this place. One of the craziest places on earth if you ask me. A place where change is accepted and encouraged. A place where it is totally normal to completely be undone by the goodness of God to the point where every single part of your life is shaken up and every perspective is changed. A place where I am finally fully becoming aware of who I really am. A place where I find myself thinking, "Really? I get to live here? Why me?"

Grace. I'm just so thankful for this which has marked my life. I'm excited because God has called me to dispense His grace in the same way He's dispensed it upon me.

"Have I paid my dues just to be with you?"

I would be lying if I said that my life has been easy. I've sacrificed a lot to be in the place that I am now. I have spent countless hours in vehicles, gallons of gas, hours of preparation. I have counted the hard cost of being away from my family and knowing that I might not see them much in my life, I have had many a lonely evening at home...but all of it could never be enough and I'm fully aware that none of it will compare to what's coming. I have this sense that I'm preparing to embark on some adventures that will completely leave me undone. And it's important to remind myself here in this safe place of this anthem over my life. For surely His grace has upheld me before, and surely it will uphold me as my co-laboring with Him increases as well.

It is my heart's desire that I pay my dues to be with Him. That I enter into a place with Him that I would be willing to sacrifice everything for Him. And as I go to the ends of the earth with Him surely grace will go with us. Why me? I'm no more special than you. But each of us carries such significance that the world needs. This has been my journey with Him, what's yours?

What are the anthems over you? What has been the theme that is overwhelming over your life? Because that means you hold a key in that to release to those around you. What are your anthems?

Mine is grace. I gladly release it to you in whatever capacity you need it. There is a grace to help you through and to overcome situations and a grace to completely avoid situations. I have walked through both. A grace to remain calm in situations that you should not be naturally calm in. A grace to deal with completely ungraceful people. This has been the anthem singing over my life, and now I sing it over you.

Love you all,
Lara