In the whirlwind that is my life this last entry in my journal is the only way I know how to adequately state what I'm feeling. Living in Redding at this point in my life is at times mind-boggling. Things are moving so fast, things are changing so much-all I feel like I can do is wait in anticipation and expectation for what awaits around the next corner. Literally everything in my heart and mind is changing-of that I'm sure. Things that I thought were my giftings are undergoing a complete overhaul, complete construction. And strengths that I never knew I possessed keep springing up out of nowhere. These things that had never even once entered my mind now burn with passion in my heart. It's like before I had hoped that I had some strengths to share with people, and now I know that I have certain strengths and I can't wait to unleash them on people.
And then there comes the whole calling thing. I thought that I had a pretty good grasp of who I was and what I was planning on doing with some of my life. Now? Not so much. Things that I had thought I would do are now in a complete overhaul and things that I had written off due to thinking I had lack of skill or even things I had never even thought of are now starting to burn in my heart.
Anyways, this is the picture of my life right now. At times it can be overwhelming to have all these facets changing at once. But every time I'm the least bit overwhelmed, when I take the time to stop and ask what's going on His presence is so thick and He quietly reassures me, "I'm right here, Lara, closer than you've ever known." And I believe Him. It undoes me to think that the creator of the universe would take time to be this close and to intricately and intimately reshape my whole life. It's a beautiful process, really. Overwhelmingly beautiful. It's good to know that His grace is sufficient for all our needs and for times like this when I really am trying to figure out who I am.
And if I was tempted to be impatient, today's sermon was of course on...patience! Explained in such a beautiful way that I honestly have a whole new perception on the matter.
Of some things I am certain though:
-God is so completely in control and knows exactly what He's doing and where He's taking me.
-I have MUCH to learn but also a whole lot of grace to learn it.
-I'm in the right place at the right time and God redeems all time lost. An encouraging word for all of us!
-I thought I was a big dreamer before but I see now I didn't have a clue! I'm going to need good travel bags, a good international phone plan and lots of strategy.
-Any form of negativity, hopelessness, doubts or fears are a complete waste of time. Hands down. The end. Life is precious and I will not waste it thinking about how I 'can't' do something because I'm me.
-I long to never, in any way say 'no' or 'it seems like too much' to God. If He's called me, He will equip me.
-I would be on a plane tomorrow if I could or someone asked (again thankful for the word today about patience!)
-God is worth it all. All of the risk, though it seems so small. All of the change, every uncertainty. He's worth it all. He's worth every moment of my life.
I hope this inspires someone out there to lay down their lives for the sake of Christ. He knows every part of our heart that we diligently work to sacrifice to Him. I would highly encourage you, from the midst of my journey of trying to do the same, to sacrifice it all. And come visit me sometime! :)
I promise my next update will be more specifics on my actual life. Just wanted to give you this base right now.
I'd like to end by sharing a prayer I've been praying everyday during this journey of having my life be shuffled like some dutch blitz cards (holler at you Schrock cousins!). I'd highly encourage you pray the same prayer. I've watched my heart change towards numerous situations because of this simple prayer. I believe that if it's truly your heart, incredible things will happen for you as well.
Father:
I submit to Your timings.
I submit to Your knowing.
I submit to the control of Your Spirit.
I submit my dreams and longings all to Your will for the glory of Your name.
I submit my heart; its aches and its joys.
I submit my mind; every thought and perception.
I submit my whole self to you, oh God, a willing servant to the cause of Your kingdom.
Every breath, every tear, every word and every song shall ever be written by and for eternity.
This is my sacrifice, the only thing worth giving; here's my whole life.
Amen.
I was blessed last weekend to be invited to the coast! The ocean is what makes me feel the most alive, and most aware of just how vast His mercy and grace and love is for us. It was definitely a needed trip and reminder that He really is holding all things, including my future in His hands.
I also got to see redwoods for just the 2nd time in my life. Of course amazing. Of course I wanted to run around and write a million songs that were cascading through my mind. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment