Happy Birthday to me!

Birthdays were always something that seemed to bring an odd sense of disappointment along with them. For some reason, having a birthday in the Summer meant that a little of the magic was lost in the bustle of getting ready to go back to school, having to be back to school, family vacations or just the madness that happens in the Summer months. I absolutely love my family, but growing up as the tag-a-long and learning now that I'm older that my love language is gifts was just a recipe for disaster. I've almost never hated a question more than, "What do you want for your birthday?" "What do you want to do for your birthday?" Guys and gals, let me just give you some hints...if your significant other has a true love language of gifts, you should not ask them this question. Be intuitive, figure it our yourselves! Be creative, and do something loving...you'll be golden if it actually means something significant. I mean, someone could give me a stick and if it has a meaning behind it, I would cherish that stick for the rest of my life! (just saying) So...needless to say, in a busy family of 6 I was lucky to get a cake, and for some reason true happiness has always eluded me on my 'special' day. 

I'll never forget one fateful day when I was in 5th grade. It was the first Summer that we started early to school, and our first or second day landed on my birthday. You can't blame mom, because the other kids were just getting back to school too. 2 to college, and one a senior in high school. I'll never forget my exchange with her the evening before. I had envied the other kids in school my whole life because they always got to bring treats to school on their birthdays. I had never had that glorious opportunity to do the same.  Sure, they had that dumb day where we would celebrate 'summer birthdays' but I never got to experience the great joy of having the spotlight and impressing my peers. I wanted to take something that would knock their socks off. I wanted to take ice cream drumsticks. 

Now, I was a  smart little girl...I knew the price of each box, I had made sure to check the last time we were at Aldis. I knew the price per drumstick and I knew exactly how many we would need, with 3 left over for my family. I was certain that this was a sure-fire plan in getting exactly what I wanted. Except when mom said no. I was devastated to say the least. I was so mad at her. How dare she deny me my right to have the ONE thing I wanted for me birthday? Well, the next morning came and I was NOT going to be denied. I ran around the house, gathering as much spare change as I could find. Checking all of the usual spots that dad would empty his pockets when he got home from work. I ran to the country store, feeling completely dejected but needing a plan. I left the house without saying bye to mom, by the way. I got to school and not as proudly as I would have liked, went up to my teacher to tell her I had brought a 'treat.' In vain, we enjoyed our Tootsie Pops, me knowing I was a complete and total failure to the rest of the class.

It wasn't until that afternoon that the embarrassment truly set in. I have always had an enormous guilt conscious and I was feeling pretty sick by lunch time. Not only that but my mom, while I secretly stole money from around the house and bought tootsie pops in shame...went to Washington. Do you want to guess what she bought for me and my classmates? Ice cream drumsticks. But, we had already had my treat...not only had I stolen something, I now completely underhanded the outrageously kind thing that my mama had done for me. The ice cream didn't taste the same that year. Though, the 6 boxes did last us a long time at home.

This is just one of the many silly experiences I've had on my birthday. For some reason they were just never as special as I thought they should be in my head.

This year I wanted to be proactive in changing some of that. Around January, I found a post on pinterest that I kind of morphed into my own. In the post the family had a jar that they would write their favorite memories on from the week. Then on new years eve, they would get them out and read them, reliving the joys, laughing, and telling even more stories that came to mind. 

When I saw it, I couldn't help but wonder, "How much do I forget throughout the year that God has done in my life, simply because I don't write it down somewhere?" So I set out on a journey. Every time I remembered, I would write down the good things that God had done in me, or in my family. i would write of things He would speak to me or do for me. Verses that spoke life to me, testimonies of His goodness or healing, anything of significance would get written down and go in the jar. About 2 weeks in I found myself being more thankful for all of the little things that I had seemed to forget about in the past. 

I decided, that since in the past my birthdays haven't been 'all that amazing', I would read my testimonies on that day, focusing only on the good He had done and not my 'lack.'

I was really amazed at what I found. These were only from since January! I can't imagine how full it will be next year! Especially with how it's starting out. Good grief. I laughed, I cried, I marveled at what a mighty God we serve, and how good He is to His children.

I forgot to count them, but I wouldn't be surprised if there was one for every day. His goodness follows us everywhere. I never want to forget about that again.

When I started this, I knew there would be a second component. I never knew what that was, but I felt like I was supposed to burn these testimonies for a few different reasons.

1)Whenever you seal something, you use heat or fire. When they used the old wax seals on an envelope they would melt the wax before applying the seal. I felt like God was asking me to seal in all the good things that had happened in my 23rd year of life.

I was pretty amazed at how big some of the flames could get from one piece of paper. It reminded me that one testimony can keep us burning for a long time. 2)I felt like I was to burn these testimonies because they are now in the past. While God always wants us to remember His goodness, He does want to give me new testimonies for my 24th year.

We cannot afford to limit Him to the way He's 'always' done things in the past. He's God, and He wants to build in us line upon line, precept upon precept, taking us from glory to glory. If we only expect Him to show up the same way He's always shown up, we will miss what He wants to do now. Lastly, I spent some time in prayer and let the ashes blow away. This is a new year to trust Him. A new year to let Him be Lord and Savior of my life.

I realized as I'm typing this, that I think this is one of my first Birthdays away from 'home.' While there could have been a lot of temptation to feel alone and sad, the testimonies of my past allowed me to dream and believe for a future. This was something that I desperately needed....Happy Birthday to Me!

This 24th year has already set itself up to be a doosey. More on that to come. Who knows where it will take me. One thing's for sure....I'm gonna need a bigger jar.