But...through a couple of crazy, only-God-can-do-that encounters, here I am. 2 weeks and 1 day from starting school, $3000 to raise plus living expenses. Impossible, yeah? Nah, this same crazy God that has told me to go to school to begin with? I am in this process of learning how to trust Him. (hence the name of this blog) And while the thought of raising money makes me feel nauseous at times, I am pretty settled on one thing that I am so thankful for: God is just a little bit bigger and more able than me.
I will say though, that I frequently have to remind myself to take deep breaths. This came so far out of left field that I'm pretty sure I got blind-sided. Why is it that some of the best things in life come when we're not looking for them? I'm so glad that God is not confined to our tiny paradigm boxes, that He operates with eternity in mind, and that He knows exactly what we need even when we don't think we 'need' it at all.
I am going back to school. What?! It doesn't even seem real yet. I'm just gonna throw this out there: I never really liked school. I LOVE to learn and study and dissect things. I love to ponder and muse on an odd mix of subjects. I love to teach other people things too. But school? At about the 5th grade I really started to dislike it. I have a very unique learning style. I do things in odd orders, I have to create while I learn in order to really, fully learn and in most school structures I could hardly keep up enough to take notes, let alone draw little pictures beside them so I would remember. In many ways I felt like school killed a little part of me. My innocent creativity and imagination, my unique style of learning seemed to fade in the structured time slots of class periods.
I'm in awe of God. He just knows what we need even when we cannot put words to it. Did I say that already? Yeah, well I'll say it again anyways. Since moving to this insane place called Redding, God has been removing so much in my heart that could separate me from Him and other people. In almost every way He could make me uncomfortable, He has. I'm away from my family, and almost every other form of 'safety' I've previously known. Everything that I loved before is being reworked, almost like He is remaking the very fabric that holds me and defines me.
One day last week I was thinking about everything that's happening at an insane pace. I was almost frustrated at the thought of really going back to school...in some ways it felt to me like a step backwards, like I should already 'know' everything I need to really start into ministry. And, with needing to raise funds and ask for money I was feeling like it was confirming to me that it was. (why do we always do this to ourselves! Maybe it's just me?) Feelings can be very deceiving.
But...then I found this. For 'some reason' before I moved here I had found this at home and while I left all other keepsakes back in iowa this one got stuck in my planner. Throughout my time here it's actually annoyed me, constantly falling out and in the way of where I need to write my plans (there's that sense of humor again, God!) At one point I actually used the paper as scrap paper, that's how much I thought of it. But, on this day last week, the sweet simplicity brought tears to my eyes, and insane peace to my heart.
I wrote this in the 1st Grade...
As I read it I realized that while I know I want and am called to serve Him with my life in ministry, I'm not sure in what capacity and in what way. I want God to take me back to the simplicity of living like this. When I look at the scope of the Kingdom I really do need and want and am excited to go back to school. What a huge honor to get the most, and best training I can. And what a huge honor that God would take me back to school now, and here even when I didn't think I needed it. Without me even looking, I have again been blessed beyond measure.
I had to laugh because with 2 jobs and running a house on my own, the last season of my life can be summed up by the word Chaos. I was relieved to see that I think God wants to give me this kind of a season. Simple truths that shape who I am, and my life. I don't know a whole lot, but I do know this:
I love Jesus because He's fun. Father God is my favorite because He loves me all the time. I like school because it's where I want to be. I need a miracle to make it a reality. I will sell my kidney, or even worse, my piano if I have to because God has asked me to go back to school and no sacrifice is too great. And...I still like to read books because I like to look at pictures.
Welp, there you have it. It's big news and hard to believe that just a little over a month after God birthed this decision, I will be sitting in class. But, like I said, it's going to take a huge miracle. I will be attending Bethel Supernatural School of Ministry. It is a training for leaders who want to see Revival all over the world. I have so much to learn about what my role is, and if you would like to invest in what God is doing in me and in my future, words would not express my thankfulness. I also value very highly your prayers. This is a huge transition to make in just over a month. Like I said, I have a lot of money to raise in a very short amount of time, like a week from today would be great.
For more information on the school:
If you would like to make a donation towards my tuition:
http://www.ibssm.org (click donate online, donate to my name, you can do this annonymously)
If you would like to donate to my living expenses this year, as I will only be able to work a limited amount of hours at my 2 jobs or if you have any questions at all you can email me: larahochstetler@gmail.com
What do I even say? Thank you SO much and God bless you abundantly! I'm looking forward to many testimonies in the future!
Blessings,
Lara
Do these glasses make me look smart? I should probably get them for school.
No comments:
Post a Comment