Psalm 111

Have you ever had a week where you feel like no matter how hard you try, and no matter where you look you are reminded of your depravity? You can plan and prepare, analyze and think about how to make things better but you always seemingly fall short? You're late, can't seem to fully engage even though you keep beckoning yourself to 'just be better already'? And the more you can't seem to live up to your own standard the worse you get, falling deeper and deeper into frustration and becoming more and more aware of the way you 'should' be and where you actually currently are.

Yep. That's been me. This week started like any other week. I had a beautiful list of all of my events set out in a row. I had my perpetual list of things to do and accomplish. My ducks were in a row and I was 'ready.' Until, I wasn't. There's been no astounding event that has caused me to disconnect. No 'monster' has showed up to steal my motivation. And yet, I don't want to do anything. And when I do do something it feels totally and completely inefficient. It feels drab and underwhelming. Even this blog is starting to become a nuisance...

And in the midst of it, I have begun to question who I am, who I'm becoming, even my sanity at times. When you're handed who you're not and it's in your face in every moment, how do you respond? I can honestly say that I have not done well-I have just wanted to curl up in my bed and eat ice cream all week.

It's been a week, that unexpectedly, and for seemingly no reason has brought me face to face with my human-ness. I am a human. I make mistakes. I am broken. Even when I have all of my affairs in order I can do nothing apart from the perfect one. Human organization, reasoning and analysis can only get me so far. I am really good at self-management but this week has reminded me that He is the author of that, not me. He should have the pen of my every moment and unless He's running the show I will always come to the end of myself.

But when I am anchored in Him, even when I'm at the end of myself, I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of all that He is. Why do I so easily forget this? Today, I pray that if you are feeling overwhelmed at the lack that you see in yourself, you will begin to become more fully aware of all that He is not just for you, but in you. His character is unchanging. He is always fully engaged, He is always for us. Perfect in nature, perfect in every way. And even when we don't feel we can trust ourselves, He is completely trustworthy.

Though I forgot this throughout this week, usually ending in frustration at myself for not being 'better,' I am beyond thankful for the passage below. If anyone knows me, they know I see 1's everywhere I look. I always know when it's 11:11 or 1:11 because I see that time everyday, every time it shows.

Well, this is Psalm 111. It's mine, but I'll let you access it for the day. ;) This is the passion version. As you read it over yourself, let the fact that God's character NEVER changes wash over you. Allow the passage to effect you in every area of lack you've been experiencing. Because we are humans. We are going to have moments where we are fully aware of how far we have yet to go. In those moments, are you going to beat yourself up? Or are you going to fall into the never-changing, everlasting arms of the one whose love for you knows no bounds?

"He satisfies all who love and trust Him 
And He keeps every promise He makes. 
He reveals mighty power and marvels to His people 
By handing them nations as a gift! 
All God accomplishes is flawless, faithful and fair; 
And His every word proves trustworthy and true.
They are steadfast forever and ever,
Formed from truth and righteousness.
His forever-love paid a full ransom for His people
So that now we're free to come before Jehovah
To worship His holy and awesome name! 
Where can wisdom be found? 
It is born in the fear of God. 
Everyone who follows His ways, 
Will never lack His living understanding! 
And the adoration of God 
Will abide throughout eternity!"

I'm trying to rest in this today. My emotions still want to beat me up, but I will let these words nourish me instead.
God, thank you that in the midst of our instability you are completely stable. Thank you that you know and understand our humanity and that you don't call us to be perfect but holy. Set apart unto you, and just simply obedient. Help us to release ourselves from the pressures that we put upon ourselves to be righteous because it's you who makes us righteous. We love you and we want to make you known in the earth, help us to recognize that you are the author and perfecter of our faith. Thank you that you delight in us, and that we are free from the power of shame that would try to suck us into thinking that we can never be good enough. 

Thank you that you are stronger and greater and that I get to come to you when I'm feeling great and when I've just had a week like this one. Amen

Here's to a new week.