"Who Knows?"

Last night I was looking through some of my old posts...I was on my brother's Facebook and for reasons I cannot possibly understand other than God wanted me to see it, I happened across something I wrote what seems like a lifetime ago. 

May 12, 2010:
I should be doing my calvinism vs. arminianism homework but I just can't get myself to do it. There's something much more important going on in my heart tonight.

What's been eating at me all night is a passage that David Perkins talked about tonight at _tag tonight. It comes right after David's been confronted by Nathan after he sinned against God by having Uriah killed and getting Bathsheba pregnant. Nathan said that no matter what Bathsheba and David's first child would die. After Nathan said this David went into an intense time of fasting and weeping for the child's life. He would not take food or even get up off the ground for 7 days! When the child died however, he got up, cleansed himself and ate. His servants were very confused as to why David would mourn for the child while it was still alive and yet not mourn for it after it died.
To this David replied,
"While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, 'Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me, and the child may live.' But now he is dead; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me."

Who knows?
Man, I wish I had faith like that. You see in those days Nathan was the very mouthpiece for God. What he said was final. And yet David shows that he is a man of great faith, for when he hears the baby's fate he still gets on his face before God and pleads with him for the baby's life because, "Who knows? Maybe God will be gracious to me."

I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't starting to worry about what's next for me. I feel like God brought me here to Colorado for specific reasons and specific purposes. But now I'm less than 3 weeks from graduation and I have no idea what's next. SO it struck me tonight, this one little tiny phrase..."Who knows?"

Who knows? I could lead worship in a church for the rest of my life or I could never touch a piano again.
Who knows? I could travel the world or I could live in the midwest, being the best wife and mother and never see an airplane again.
Who knows? I could write a best selling novel that inspires the next generation to finally dream again or I could write a picture book that only my grandkids see.
Who knows?

One thing is for sure. Our God is Faithful.

So, SO freaking faithful. And therefore, I have nothing to worry about. All of the options suddenly become exciting again and not something to stress out about. I know that in God's perfect timing I will know what's next. I will know where I'm supposed to go. I will know eventually who it's supposed to be with. It's resounding in my soul so I'll say it once more...
Faithful, OH so faithful is the Lord on high. With Him ANYTHING is possible, so 'Who knows'?


Now, I shortened this version but the truth remains. Last night this totally gripped me, yet again. I had just made a list of all of the 'added' cost that I have coming on my plate this next month and though I would like to say I was making that list in faith-I totally wasn't. After reading this post though, I can't help but think, "Who knows?" Why not ask for crazy things? Why not dream excessively? Because, "Who knows?" Our God is so much bigger than we give Him credit for a majority of the time and He is definitely someone we can TRUST. 

Do you have a 'baby' that you're pretty sure you know the fate of? Have you doomed yourself and stopped asking for things that seem impossible? I do understand and see that David's child did, in fact die. But I wonder what David's heart would have been doing if He wouldn't have asked. Regret? Shame? Anger? Self-abuse? We will never know because David knew...there was hope. He anticipated good. In what ways have you stopped asking, and why have you? Because "Who knows?"

And sure enough...today as I was typing this God crossed off the biggest cost on that list. He does know, and He is good. He's not threatened by our petitions, He's not overwhelmed by our questions. Maybe He's waiting for you to ask. 
-Lara-